Here are all of the club stereotypes of Brighton
You know you’re one of them
Legend has it Brighton has some of the best nights out – even topping London at times. From chart toppers to indie-as-fuck music, the clubs in Brighton cater for every type of person you could ever possibly meet, and to be honest, it never disappoints (only sometimes).
There’s a lot going on in this picture, but that’s what Revenge is all about. You’re either having a crackin’ time like the geezer in yellow or you’re wondering if someone has thrown up in your drink like poor old backwards cap in front.
Fellow club-goers are either in drag, nipple tassels, or just nothing at all, and that’s okay, because that’s exactly what you go to Revenge for. Before you know it you’ll be tangled in someone’s three-piece bodysuit in the cubicles where the doors don’t close properly and the toilet attendant is giving you daggers through the crack.
However, other nights people just show up in what they’ve worn for 3 days straight and that’s because Revenge charges basically nothing for entry. So why not head to the club after a meeting with your academic adviser? Seems decent to me.
A fuck load of girls. And third-wheeling too. Walkabout seems to be the place to go to for girl power and, uhh.. to be honest who even goes to Walkabout anymore?
There ain’t no party like a Coalition party. It also gets pretty fucking cramped in there so you’ll be getting with someone whether you want to or not.
But at least everyone is dressed to impress. Not that you can see them anyway, because it’s completely pitch black with the exception of the occasional strobe light.
Woo! The Haunt! Everyone loves The Haunt! People usually end up dancing in sync with each other to either 80s night, 90s night or just your good old chart toppers. Except for that guy with glasses in the middle, he seems a little scared – and with everyone getting fucked on the 5 jägerbombs for £5 deal I don’t really blame him.
The second you enter the club you’re probably treading on someone’s really inconvenient over-the-top outfit that is unnecessary for somewhere like The Haunt, whilst also being asked to ‘like our Facebook page for a free shot!’ (do it). There’s almost always a group of random older people in the corner staring at you, too. How did they even get in to a student night? Odd.
Two words: sports societies. All the time. Every time. As you know it they’re dressed up as something or other and they just travel round in groups so it’s most likely you’ll get separated from your mates and end up being initiated by the hockey society.
Ah, Shooshh, the land of luxury, dancing girls atop tables, and sparklers, apparently. Shooshh can be a great night; you’ll find your shirt becoming unbuttoned as the tunes go on but I feel like we all end up a little disappointed like the woman on the right when they play the same stuff every time.
Imagine the room filled with gelled hair, Armani long-sleeved shirts and Barbour jackets. Also Katy Perry’s ‘California Girls’ on repeat for the third time. It’s like The Only Way Is Essex but a little less tackier (just a little).
A totally authentic taste of the South Pacific brought straight to your doorstep at Brighton. Not. You’ve probably been dragged here by your annoying promoter friend and don’t want any trace of you being seen at the club – but to be honest, they do have a fish tank. It’s both the most fascinating yet confusing thing ever and provides most of your entertainment for the night. (Truthfully speaking, Lola’s is a great night out and you guys should stop judging it).
You’d think you don’t have to dress so snazzy for this place, but once you’re inside you find yourself wondering why everyone’s in suits.
I’m not going to lie – Funfair is a bit of a confusing one. They’re known for having that one ‘standout’ thing every night – whether it be a masked man sitting with a dildo in the corner (Halloween 2015, anyone?) or a golden lady showing off her flexibility on the counter? Who knows – but at least they’re keeping it original; you usually just end up a cross between confused and just too drunk to care. Oh, and they also have really nice toilets.
It can’t possibly get more indie than this. In fact, it’s probably too indie for you and you’re ringing up your mates to see if they can sneak you into the line at Coalition.
In all seriousness, you’re surrounded by people wearing open, flowing Hawaiian shirts or something so totally vintage like a blue knitted organic suede recycled jumpsuit-turned-jumper. It also stinks a little.
The smoking area is probably more crowded than the club itself – you can’t miss out on a hit of that sweet, sweet whatever to fuel your night.