I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve never been happier

Single and resentful to mingle.

At 18 years old, I find myself having to reiterate the fact that yes, I am single; and no, I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is met mostly with shock, asking why? I’m not anti-relationship by any means, the answer, simply put, is that it’s never really been right for me. I’ve had my fair share of disastrous “romantic” encounters, and  it may have taken me 18 bloody years, but I have finally come to terms that being single is pretty great if you let it be.

Ask yourself a question – how many couples at this age do you genuinely envy, playing green eyed monster at their seemingly perfect infatuation? The answer is probably very few.

Couples are either sickeningly obsessed with each other – both parties nauseatingly posting PDA filled pictures on every social media – or so ambiguous to the point that you ask if they are even actually dating, or just having frequent and animalistic sex. Very few couples strike the right balance of effortless and endearing – personally I’d much rather wait till I find someone who I know won’t be annoyingly clingy or so nonchalant to the extent I question if they actually even like me.

If you do find someone you like enough, things are going well this begs the question – how does the long distance thing work? As a student, long distance relationships at uni work two ways. Option one: you cling on to someone from home and spend needlessly sweaty nights tossing and turning in fear of your beau cheating on you with some Northern bird whilst you’re at uni.

Alternatively, you meet someone at uni but the inevitable heartbreak settles when you discover that you’re a £50 train journey apart – and that’s with a railcard. Don’t go to a uni just to be near your hometown sweetheart – that’s idiotic. Realistically by the end of the three years you’ll probably have broken up and any mention of their name will echo the mentioning of Voldemort in Harry Potter; “There’s you-know-who!”.

Cheating is inevitable when you’re a pricey National Express journey away from each other.

That’s not to mention the freedom of being single; university is the time of sexual experimentation and promiscuity galore (or so they say). Have a threesome, sleep with your course mate, flatmates and someone of the same sex. University is prime time for making those catastrophic sexual mistakes that you were too shy to make in your hometown where everybody knows everyone.

After university, you are thrust (pun intended) into the harsh, real world where marriage and serious employment are becoming realities for you and your peers. As Drake once said, you’re only young once, and being limited by someone who you are statistically unlikely to end up with is just a waste of your youth.

Uni is said to be prime time for “experimenting”.

Finally, a more cliche reason. I spent many years – and even now – pining for affection and constantly questioning why I have the inability to attract a human, who isn’t creepy, a fuckboi or really, really clingy. Preferably someone who is also attractive, a conversationalist and kind but I can’t afford to be picky.

It’s easy to blame oneself but ultimately, it’s just down to poor luck.

Knowing that you have the power to say no to someone and love yourself enough not to lower yourself to the depths of desperation is empowering. Be single, treat yo self and learn to love yourself as much as you possibly can because ultimately, a relationship that only exists to boost your self esteem will not benefit you or your partner in the long run.

A little self love is never a bad thing.

 

So all in all, having fun and loving myself isn’t a bad way to be really – being single is a lot more fun than people in relationships want to make it out to be.

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University of Sussex