Sussex’s most eligible bachelorette nominee: Eliza
You better learn to love this oil painting
My name is Eliza, I’m 19 years old and studying History of Art. Yes lads, that means a cheeky bit of Museum and Chill. Emphasis on the museums. I just bloody love museums.
I’m currently living in the slums of Swanborough. This is no exaggeration – there’s only one butler per flat (big up Jeeves), and we’ve resorted to washing our dishes with Prosecco. Poverty.
I need someone who can satisfy my dietary needs. I’m both gluten and lactose intolerant (cheers, genetics) so please don’t wine and dine me. Water will do.
You know what, don’t take me out ‘cause I really am allergic to every-fucking-thing.
I have a thing for hot backs. I mean toned, not clammy. Hands can’t be leathery, either. That’s just not an option.
My biggest turn on’s are stimulating conversations about Picasso, and the notification I get from Asda when my weekly delivery is ready.
Anyway, must dash, Jeeves is bringing the Bentley round.
What is your favourite colour socks: Black, like my flat’s dildo
If you were a character from Friends, who would you be: Fat Monica
Penguins or otters: Penguins
If you were a vegetable, what would you be: An onion because ogres have layers
Flying or invisibility super powers: Neither. The ability to not shit myself if I have some Cheerios holds more merit
What’s your ideal date: Someone who doesn’t make me pay for their drink at the Winter Ball (seriously…).
What is the most attractive quality a man can possess: If you’re lactose and gluten intolerant too
If you were a beverage, what would you be: Pornstar Martini
Favourite sex position: The Swiss Ball Blitz