It’s time someone said it – Brighton Beach is overrated

Brighton is such a lovely city. It feeds off of the stunning South Downs, and rolls off into the sea. We have so many reasons to be grateful to live here; Pryzm, The Pier, Pryzm. But let’s face it. The beach sucks.

Litter

Why is there no litter? Every beach needs litter. I want to be tripping over half-eaten fish and chips when I’m at the beach. Instead I just have to sit and stare at the pebbles and  disgustingly blue clear waters of the sea fading into the horizon.

Sand

Okay, I know we all have differing opinions about whether a beach should be sandy or rocky. The perfect beach is a blend of both. Beautiful coloured rocks and pebbles should slowly disappear into soft, bright sand before reaching in the sea. Brighton beach has both pebbles and sand. But our beach is 90% pebbles and 10% sand. The optimum ratio has to be 70% pebbles and 30% sand. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The smells

Freshly cooked, delicious fish and chips crawl their way in through my nostrils and into my heart. I came to this beach to gag at the smell of rotting seaweed, not to be reminded of a beautiful, delicious English traditional food. I’m a student, yet they know I can’t resist the temptation of a succulent piece of freshly battered Haddock making it’s way into my mouth. No wonder I’m broke. Appalling marketing tactics.

Water sports

Sorry I didn’t realise that it was the 1960s and people still played outside. Why on earth would you want to stand on a board with a paddle feeling the wind rushing through your hair? It’s people like you that ruin my selfies. I want the sea and sky behind me. Not your chiseled abs.

The pier

Look, when I picture a funfair, I picture a rainy village green in the middle of nowhere. I don’t picture a state-of-the-art funfair on the end of a pier with the sea beneath me and a picturesque beach behind me. Whose dumb idea was this?

The sunsets

We all know those photos you see on Instagram of a perfect, breathtakingly picturesque sunset. However, those are sunsets that are meant to be dreamlike, no one wants a sunset that good in real life! Our sunsets are just too picturesque. Nothing should be allowed to be that perfect.