I didn’t know I needed to go to consent workshops until I went to one

Last year, there was a huge drive at Sussex towards getting students to understand consent with the NUS’s “I Heart Consent” workshops. What consent is might seem obvious, but from taking part in the tutorial I learnt it is much more than saying yes or no, and that rape is not the only issue surrounding sexual abuse. It’s clear we aren’t ever taught in depth about what it means to give consent so I’m glad these workshops might soon become compulsory.

This may make me sound naïve, but from spending my formative years on a small island, I was ignorant and completely shocked by the number of complaints I would hear or read from women about being cat-called or sexually harassed in public. It was something I had never been exposed to and I was sure that, like all the guys I knew, the majority of cases were innocent, just a few inappropriate men.

Showing our support

However, over the course of my three years here, my eyes have been opened to the fact there is still a clear divide between the sexes. I’ve never classed myself as a feminist before, viewing it as somewhat extreme, but now, thanks to workshops like this, times are changing. Fortunately, I’ve never been sexually harassed in public, but I now question my role in relationships and society differently. I can see acts of sexual harassment that I would not have questioned before attending the workshop.

However, I’m not the only one who didn’t witness sexual harassment and abuse before university. Talking to my friend, she agreed: “I didn’t realise these sorts of things existed before coming to university”.

Abolishing myths to kick-start consent week

Talking to our welfare officer, Rianna Gargiulo, 89 per cent of workshop attendees thought it should become compulsory. This shows how educational the course is and that many of us perhaps are not as aware of the broader meaning of consent as we may believe. Rianna also explained the aims of the workshop and that they try to make it as gender neutral as possible. However, she said there are some issues that affect women a lot more than men, such as slut shaming. Even with these issues, instead of continuing the narrative that all women are victims and all men are perpetrators they try to take a non-accusatory stance.

I spoke to a male student who took part in one of the first workshops last year. He said he felt it was focused towards men being perpetrators which he found uncomfortable. However, he also said: “It’s a fantastic project but it would be more productive in schools as it could prevent problems earlier rather than later”.

After the consent workshop I started to view my relationships differently. For the first time I realised that just because you have a partner, it doesn’t mean constant consent. This sounds obvious but after speaking to a lot of my female friends I learnt that a lot of us appear to think that if our partner wants sex, we should provide it. There seems to be this unspoken notion that it’s chivalrous for a man to buy us dinner and take us on fancy dates, but it’s required that we give them ourselves in return. My eyes were opened to the fact it was OK to say no to a partner and that there shouldn’t be a negative reaction such as explaining myself, having comments made on my sex drive, manipulation or silent treatment.

In fact, the workshop made me question what we teach our children. How have we got to a stage where so many men think they should be repaid for kind gestures with sex and why do women not question it until they read an article or attend a workshop? Why do we now think it’s OK to objectify a man but get so offended when it’s done to women? Without the “I Heart Consent” workshop, I still would view my role in relationships as subordinate. I recommend everyone gets clued up as well.