What your supermarket shop says about you, by a cashier

We might sit on a till scanning thousands of items a day with a smile on our faces, but cashiers pass the time by secretly trying to figure out your entire personality based on what you buy.

Some of our assumptions are downright outrageous, and probably not even slightly true, but we have to get through the shift somehow. Whatever type of shopper you are, the things you buy say a lot about you.

The first year who only buys booze

First year students typically buy Smirnoff, Malibu and other spirits, and they tend to be branded as they get their first taste of freedom. There is probably also minimal food in their basket. With the amount of alcohol first years buy, you’d think they’ve never been allowed out of the house, and still believe money grows on trees. We see you around four times times a week to stock up for Life.

The customer who always worries us

If it’s early in the morning and we see someone buying alcohol, we spend the entire transaction judging you on poor life decisions, and hope they’re overcome soon. Alcohol licences  mean you can drink at 8am, but should you?

The customer who causes us severe envy

If it’s late in the evening, supermarket assistants become envious of you that instead of pre-drinking, we’re checking an endless amount of ID’s, refusing alcohol and wish nothing more for that shift to be over. The types of alcohol purchased, and how they go with the rest of your shop, tells us on your age, how far into your degree you are, and your current emotional state.

The second year trying to be healthier

If you buy less alcohol and a little more food, we know you’re second year. The giveaway of a second year is a few fruit and vegetables. You’re trying.

The final year with no money

Third and fourth years can be identified by baskets of reduced fare. The more 26p cheese you are hoarding, the deeper into your overdraft you are. We imagine you somehow making a meal just out of your basket for fun. You’re also buying whatever beer is on special offer. You’ve probably also got three bags for life, one in your basket and the other two under your eyes.

The health nut

If we didn’t know you were vegan from looking at your basket, you chat to us about it through the entire transaction. Take your apples and quinoa and leave us in peace.

Daddy’s little girl

If you’ve got a lovely £100 shop, we know your parents are either visiting or have spotted you some cash. Students try their best to function on their own, but nothing feels better when parents come to visit and buy you a massive shop to last till their next visit. These kind of students are the best to see, because their face lights up until they realise that they have to pack everything. It’s a great feeling not spending your money on actual, real branded food.

The one obsessed with Ben and Jerry’s and Nutella

One item that’s always in most students shopping is Nutella. Or other forms of chocolatey, spready goodness. This means you are not different in terms of shopping – you’re all quite similar in taste. You follow the herd.