How to fit in at the University of Westminster’s ‘Monday Madness’

A land of social smokers and Stormzy enthusiasts

The University of Westminster educated Cherie Blair, a current student who has just got through to Judge’s Houses on X Factor,  and even Oscar nominated film-makers. But most importantly, the Harrow campus’ student bar known as The Undercroft is host to the delightful Monday Madness – formerly Messy Mondays. All you need is a valid student ID card – which also lets you sign in a non-UOW student for free too – and comply to a dress code ranging from “I-wore-this-earlier” to “I-want-to-look-beautiful-and-glittery”.

But how does one successfully “fit in” at such a prolific event?

Do not arrive on time

You’re a university student, times are merely there so you can be late on purpose. The predrinks are the most crucial element to Messy Mondaying. You and your mates must get absolutely shit-faced whilst listening to old school classics. You exit predrinks when you feel like you could be on the brink of being rejected entry, but could also handle another drink. At this time you gallop on through to the underground retreat – AKA the student bar.

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First priority upon entry is to get a drink

A double vodka mixer will cost you £3.40 or a single –boring– for £2.60. If you don’t really want to be there but feel like getting involved, get a Fosters for £2.30. And if you’re a real laddy-geeza you’ll get three Jäger-bombs for a FIVER for you and two mates – or you’ll have all three to prove you truly are a laddy-geeza.

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Know someone who works at the bar

The queues get horrendously busy, make yourself known like the Kanye of the SU Bar you really are and get immediate service from your mate who’s serving that night. That mate may also be a part-time magician and can turn that single you ordered into a triple.

Admire inquisitive thoughts on the bathroom walls

Whilst you’re sitting down for a pee, it’s important you admire the art from all the intellectual students at The University of Westminster. The up-most philosophical thoughts are placed right here. Get involved with the culture, it’s not all about drinking.

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Pretend to smoke and socialise outside

If you’re off out for a breather because security just told you off for standing on a table – something you do for no apparent reason, it just feels right – then you must adhere to the social norms. Socialise with absolutely anyone that walks past via compliments or “omg we are in the same seminar right?!” And of course become a social smoker because we are young and edgy teens who need the relief of a cigarette. This happens to be the best way to make a mate outside, a spare rizla or filter can be exchanged for a lifetime of I-kind-of-know-you-but-not-so-well nods at Uni, woo!

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“Imagine on your grave being written ‘messy Mondays gave me lung cancer’ because let’s be honest that’s the truth” – Brenda Zini, self-confessed Messy Monday-er. 

Make it clear that you and everyone else on your course is a fully fledged gang 

If you see someone on your course it is protocol to show the love and converse over your wonderful mutual degree. This will earn you smiles and giggles the next day in class over the fun you shared the night before, ooooo course-friends.

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You must enjoy all the music

The DJ’s are actually pretty good and tend come from the music courses. But either way you must know every single word to Mr Brightside, make it clear to every man in the room you don’t want No Scrub, telling everybody to Say My Name and of course tell man, Shut Up.

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It’s a shit-hole but it is indeed our shit-hole. Long live Mondays of the Messy-kind.

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