How to spot a Glasgow University Wanker

The Glasgow University Wanker: I don’t think anyone is entirely sure where this nickname originated. Not everyone who goes there is one, but the words “you’re turning into such a Glasgow Uni Wanker” fill anyone with dread.

Aside from being an entertaining way to wind people up, these people do exist. And you can always pick them out from the crowd.

One of the most telling signs of life in the West End is the accent. Once mentioned in a sketch by Kevin Bridges, the west end/Glasgow university accent is pretty much the accent that is born from a bunch of Scottish students who live in the West End of Glasgow but think they’re living a life on the set of Made in Chelsea.

If they’re not grating on your ears, they’ll be hurting your eyes. Is your present company wearing New Balance? Is there a scrunchie tied around their wrist? You must be in the perimeter of Glasgow Uni.

But Glasgow Uni wankers don’t just “buy” things. Instead they will have “mistakenly come across this vintage number” in one of Byres Road’s finest charity shops.

It’s common knowledge that the majority of Glasgow University Students have what you could call an intense obsession with Viper. If you have any acquaintances that attend Glasgow you will probably have been persuaded to attend a bouncing Monday Night Heat or Thirsty Thursday, and you probably will have vowed never to return again.

But every proper Glasgow Uni Wanker will end up in Viper on every night out. Not at all by accident – if you asked where their first choice club to spend a night out would be, I could assure you it would be Viper. You just can’t lure them away from the place.

These are only a few of the attributes that contribute towards this stereotype, but if you recognise any of these attributes from being displayed by your best buddy who happens to attend Glasgow, then sorry mate, but you’re definitely pals with a Glasgow Uni Wanker.