You need to go to the Cathouse

Nights at the Cathouse are different to all others in Glasgow.

They’re bound up in my mind with tattoos, piercings, rock music, head banging, cheap drinks, cute-punky girls, no drama, and just not giving a fuck.

You’ve probably seen the ominous metal doors with moshers outside and heard loud guitar exploding out before buttoning your blazer and moving swiftly on to Kushion, or dropping and grooving down to Subclub.

If you haven’t been to Catty yet though, you should.

The novelty of a radically different experience

Consider: Bamboo, Shimmy, Kokomo, Kushion and Viper… They’re all essentially the same club separated only by little details. Same music, same chat and same people, week-in-week-out.

Even if you mix up your nightlife with other places it remains that Cathouse is a completely different atmosphere to anywhere. It’s been at the centre of Rock and Roll in Glasgow for over 20 years and for good reason. Bands like Oasis, Pearl Jam and Queens of the Stone Age all played here in their early years.

Music and variety of nights

There are two floors you can alternate between, which is always good in a club. Catty is known for playing rock, hardcore, and punk, and playing it loud.

But there’s actually good variety, between alternative dance, pop-punk, and even indie and disco. A girl I was with one night kept saying after: “I can’t believe they played Uptown Funk! That was such a good night.”

Plus, you love Blink 182, Sum41, All Time Low and Fall Out Boy anyway, and you know you do.

The DJ’s are good for taking requests as well.

And you can always count on sick after parties for gigs. Recently, they’ve held DJ sets after Slipknot, Yellowcard and Enter Shikari, and this month they’re hosting afters for Papa Roach, Dropkick Murphy’s as well as for the Scottish Tattoo Convention with an 80’s v 90’s night soon after.

It’s great for pulling

Recently I went to the FRONT magazine re-launch party with friends. After a year out of circulation the alternative magazine was back in business.

After an hour most people had already pulled someone, and Strathy student Lyle Miller got luckiest of all after he broke a FOUR MONTH dry spell in the club.

He sunk a beer bong with the FRONT models, got a free hat for his efforts, and on the dancefloor soon after, a wild-eyed, receptive girl seemed drawn as if by magnet toward him. Here one saw up close the fierce joys of animal attraction.

After a few minutes of feeling like a voyeur, I left to get a drink.

It was an hour before I saw him again. Satisfaction was etched onto his face.

“I just banged that girl in the bathroom,” he said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I went to take her home, but she saw the Ladies’ was empty and dragged me into an intolerable little cubicle. It wasn’t what I had in mind, but it had been months since I’d had sex. Fuck it, it was live.”

Anybody who’s gone through a dry patch – we all have– will know the warm relief that follows from making it with a girl again.

Especially post beer-bong, with a wild party chick, after getting a free hat.

Drinks

The drinks are ridiculously cheap, all the time, even on weekends. And, –this is my favourite – they sell Strongbow in cans. There’s also a Jager bar.

But the take home message is: drinks are ridiculously cheap, whatever you’re drinking.

Nobody is a dick and nobody cares what you look like

I’ve never seen a fight there, or been pushed in a drinks queue, or been given a reproachful look. There are no neds or people with chips on their shoulders with drunken points to prove.

People go dressed how they want and nobody cares, dolled up, dressed down, casual, whatever. There’s a man who goes loads and wears a red and black spotted dress and lipstick, and he is well liked and welcomed.

This is so refreshing and not a small detail.

Even if you’re not a fan of rock there’s a strong case for trying out the Cathouse at least once. How good is that next night at WNB, Shimmy, or Jellybaby really going to be anyway?

It’s so cheap as well that you’ve really got very little to lose, and everything to gain.

So, if you’re bored with stuck up girls in dresses and heels, bored with guys in chino’s and blazers, bored with the UK top 40 and Belvedere in booths, and bored with the pseudo- glamorous synthetic atmosphere of it all, we’ll see you in the Cathouse next week.

Until then.