In defence of The Tab

I’ve been at Uni for just over a semester now, and I’ve learned three things. Firstly, that good organisation is a myth, secondly, that it’s always a good idea to check if food is microwave-safe before microwaving it, and thirdly, lot’s of people hate The Tab. Like, really hate it. You only need to scroll through the comments section on any given Tab article, or check Yik Yak when we publish something particuarly controversial, and you’ll see what I mean.

This hatred (Tabophobia, if you will) is frankly bullshit.

Now, clarification – this doesn’t mean you have to like the Tab. If it isn’t your thing, then cool, that’s fine. However, there are some criticisms of the Tab which are unfair. I’m going to do my best to address a few of them.

What are we like

The Tab sucks because of the poor quality of the writing

Ah, this one. “I spilled coffee all over my laptop the other day, and accidentally wrote a Tab article while I was wiping it clean.” Badoom Tish.

Contrary to popular belief, Tab writers actually care about what it published – and if they don’t, their editors certainly do. Obviously, The Tab might not be to your taste – which is fine. But don’t automatically dismiss it all as badly written. The one test of good writing is whether or not people want to read it. Thousands of people want to read the Tab. So fucking there (Crosses arms and sticks tongue out).

Well fuck you too

The Tab sucks because of the subject matter it deals with

Very well noticed. Top marks for observation. Even the most casual of observers will notice that the Tab spends more time talking about (for example) interesting characters on campus than we do talking about (for example) interesting characters in the House of Commons. And you’re right, we don’t spend a lot of time dealing with weighty current-affairs issues.

But it would be a bit fucking stupid if we did. I mean, look at it this way. If you want an analysis of the events in Syria, who is going to be your first port of call? A Middle-Eastern Politics expert, or a 19 year-old studying Art History at York?

The Tab is just clickbait

Now, these are pretty subjective definitions , but basically they mean that The Tab writes lots of things that lots of people want to read.

But it’s not just that. Not only would abandoning “clickbait” be a bad move in terms of getting ourselves views (why stop doing what works well?), but it would also be a touch snobbish. When you say “clickbait” you mean, most likely, something which appeals to the lowest common denominator.But what do you mean when you say “lowest common denominator”. Well, for a start, you mean people who you consider less intelligent than yourself, don’t you?

You’re not really sneering at The Tab, you’re sneering at the people who read it, the people who have the shocking lack of taste to like something that you don’t, and then the audacity, the temerity, to share it on their Facebook profiles. It’s an ugly, elitist attitude, and one we want to avoid.

Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate….

The Tab sucks because it talks too much about sex/drinking/drugs/whatever

We’re a fucking student newspaper.

The Tab sucks for reasons 1-4, and I’m going to make this known by commenting on Tab articles

Now, maybe I’m biased here because I think that whoever invented comments sections below articles of any sort is part of a conspiracy to reveal humanity at its worst, but I think these are the worst kind of Tabophobes.

I’ve been called (amongst other things), a bigot, an asshole, and a “bestard” (spelling mistake theirs, not mine, I should say) – and I wrote about being a fucking club rep. However, this isn’t a whinge (I insult way too many people in these articles to complain about being insulted), it’s an observation.

Chill out m7

You people, who claim to hate the Tab are actually the greatest proof of our success, because even the people who think we’re the worst example of journalism outside of Pyongyang state television have clicked on our links, read our articles (maybe even shared them), and given us their thoughts.

That’s the best endorsement of The Tab I can think of.