The Great British Bake Off is the greatest show ever to grace the airwaves. I’m just stating facts here, people. I’d trade complete limited-edition box sets of Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and Downton just for the privilege of squinting at another season of GBBO on iPlayer. Real Talk.
Should I be ashamed that, as an adult male, my favorite pastime is watching stay-at-home mommies and Sunday school teachers make sugary treats? Nope, because GBBO is hardcore as all hell, and here’s why:
1. Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood: Their names might sound like a doll franchise and a male porn star respectively, but GBBO’s two judges are legit. Mary Berry may have actually invented baking, and P. H. once killed a contestant with nothing but his icy stare when she undercooked a Victoria sponge. Don’t mess.
2. No Bullshit: GBBO is about one thing – the exact, merciless execution of breads, cakes, and puddings. There are no distractions, no irrelevant challenges, and no drama besides that which is inherent in waiting, praying, for your soufflé to Just Fucking Rise.
3. The Contestants: No hand picked, focus-group douchebags here. Only serious, skilled amateur bakers get to battle in this Colosseum of Confectionary, regardless of their age, gender, or criminal record. And guess what? A real person with two kids and an actual job baking for their god darned life is a hell of a lot more compelling to watch than some spray-tanned shit-show yowling about rhubarb tarts.
4. They Bake in a Tent in the Middle of Some Field: they bake in a tent in the middle of some field. ‘Nuff said.
5. All Them Sweets: I don’t eat that many sweets—got to maintain that triathlete physique—but GBBO lets me eat all the tasty treats I want THROUGH MY EYES. Sure, sometimes I might get an irrepressible hankering for a Sachertorte, but then I just down 6 raw eggs, and GBBO makes those 6 raw eggs taste better.
Disagree? Send all of your responses to: http://www.cryaboutit.mberry4eva.blogspot.com
Read The Stand’s Interview with Brendan Lynch here!