India Doyle: The problem with the internet

This week two important things happened:

1. There was the KONY 2012 video (no, I’m not going to be that gal, this time)

2. There were the elections (no comment) ((vote Lorenzo))

Okay, so the elections haven’t happened yet, but you get the gist, things are happening on a global and fifian scale. How do I know? Because I use the internet.

I hate the internet.

My first problem with the internet is the fact that all information spreads faster than a sexually transmitted disease in St Andrews. The Kony video is obviously the most evident and recent example of this. I haven’t watched the Kony video yet, I would, but the 500 reposts on facebook made me feel intrinsically inclined to dislike it. The problem with this rapid broadcasting of information is that it also leads to a rapid finish. It’s kind of like a virgin the first time they ejaculate. Is that crude? Sorry. I think it’s wonderful to raise awareness for serious causes. However I also think that, due to the internet, awareness is undermined by the swift movement forwards on to the ‘next big thing’. If anyone is talking about KONY 2012 in six months I’ll lick my foot.

It’s not just the Kony video, it’s also all music, fashion, and general talent. Nothing stays. The reason we have about three consistently decent contemporary pop singers (and yes, Rihanna is one of them) is that nobody has to try hard any more to achieve anything. All one has to do is record a song that goes something along the lines of ‘I’m in the library, library, library and tomorrow I’ll be doing my essay, essay, essay’, sit looking pimp in a post grad doing something ironic and upload it onto Youtube. I think Rebecca Black got a record deal? Even if she didn’t, we all know who I’m talking about and we also all remember her as the ‘one time 14-year-old singer of some shit song’. The Beatles had to slog it out for years before they made something good, and as a result we all still sing Eleanor Rigby as if we were there when Paul McCartney was good looking. The internet has ruined the need to work at anything and our capacity to discover anything.

The internet also means that there is no escape from anything, ever. Yes, hello elections. In the olden days it would have been enough to walk along the scores and come into the library from the back entrance (wheey) so as to avoid the hordes of flashmobs throwing coloured bits of paper in my face. Now, it is impossible to avoid things I don’t like. One click onto facebook and the people outside have entered my private world. Go away. Facebook too, is the ultimate example of the way in which the internet has trapped people. I tried to live without it, it was really nice. But then you realise that you need to get hold of someone, or find out how ugly you looked last night and suddenly you’re back and you’re looking at your best friend’s-sister’s-auntie’s-daughter’s-boyfriend’s holiday pictures and you don’t even know how you got there. It’s bullshit. I want to be oblivious to everything that is going on bar the important things, like the news, and to be totally isolated from the excessive amount of nonsense that I spend my time engaging with.

Obviously, the internet has revolutionised our world and made things a lot easier and everything is now more democratic etc. etc. etc. All I’m saying is, without the internet, would we all be a lot fitter, happier and more productive? There’s a reason it’s called the ‘world wide web’

I pledge that from Easter, I will live without the internet. And then I will get it back, and write about my experience, and post it on Facebook. Such is the depressing, inescapable nature of the 21st Century.

Have a great day!