Every question you ask yourself as a Londoner in Southampton

In the hope of avoiding sky-high halls and rent costs, or a cross-city commute in rush hour, many of us Londoners choose to flee the capital for university. What they don’t tell you, in their nice shiny uni brochures, is you feel like you live in the 1980s.

What do you mean the last bus home is at 11?

Even if your regular route home ends at around midnight, there’s usually a night bus that gets you where you need to go. Beyond that, if you’re too poor for a taxi, the night tube can get you within walking distance when you’re tired and bevved after a heavy night out.

Waiting for the bus

Why do all the bus routes have different names?

I went into town on a U1C, why can’t I guess that bus home? And why does it not take off the stops it’s already been to? Once a U1A has got to Highfield, it isn’t going to central station anymore. Why the hell does it stay on the front of the bus?

Why do people approach and talk to you?

They’re comfortable asking you for directions when they clearly aren’t tourists. Old ladies strike up conversations on the train, and mums are happy to let their kids chat away to you.

For the love of God WHY do all the girls wear flat shoes?

I don’t own 15 pairs of heels for no reason. I don’t have special rollaway flats tucked in my clutch because I like carrying them. What is this obsession with wearing totally flat shoes in 95% of the clubs?

Let me wear my beautiful shoes

Why are they talking about bins on the news?

Do people really care that the bins are only going to be collected every fortnight? Why are they telling me someone was sentenced to months of community service for 14 instances of flytipping? I find it difficult to believe that people are seriously that interested in this.

Why is there no 24 hour supermarket?

What if I have a 2am craving for salted pretzels? Am I just meant to go without? Where are we living that I can’t buy a packet of crisps after 11pm?

Why are there only 6 restaurants on deliveroo?

Excuse me, do you seriously mean I’m too far away from GBK to get a delicious burger? That’s just wrong. I don’t want to have to order dominoes again because there’s nothing nice on deliveroo.

Why are the clubs so small?

Sobar, Jesters, the Edge. All freaking tiny. Southampton’s saving grace is Oceana where FINALLY I can choose what I want to listen to.

These clubs seriously close at 2am?

What? Even the crap clubs at home close at 3am. How can two hours on a night out possibly be enough?

Why aren’t they searching me?

At home, my bag and coat is searched. Mostly for, you know, weapons, but even chewing gum has to be covertly hidden down a bra before they’ll you in. Even hairspray and and deodorant is confiscated at the door. Here, a handbag could be stuffed with knives and vodka and no one seems to care.