In defence of eating booty

You’ve probably heard the term “booty” many times before. Your flatmate left the club early because he’s got “booty to eat”, you look at him puzzled. Booty? What is this booty and can it actually be consumed?

Well, unless you’ve been doing something productive with your time instead of embracing your inner hermit and frolicking on social media, you probably associate Booty with being concerned with the Pirate lexis from the seven seas. Booty meaning treasure- didn’t you watch Peter Pan and all those other Pirate flicks?

In fact, the term booty has metamorphosed into a whole new cultural inside joke, but don’t worry, we are going to let you in on what Booty is (rather late admittedly) and if anyone who eats booty can ever really be looked at the same way.

“I might let your boy chauffeur me

But he got to eat the booty like groceries”

Jhene Aiko is a refined lady, so refined she let’s us all in on her fancy in Omarion’s track slightly dated “Post To Be” with these Starbucks drinking, ‘commonwhitegirl’ following-esque lyrics. Aiko is currently one of the hottest names in the industry after establishing herself as the female Drake, clad with all the hallmarks of hung up lover ruminating upon the past while flexing their lyrics over some boi1da beats. Being attractive, down to earth and having a repertoire of sentimental neo-soul tracks is something to boast of in this day and age so if Aiko knows just what the Booty is, then why don’t you?

We’ll take it back for anyone that’s seeking a rigorous education and in doing so, we go back to the French etymology of the word. “Booty” derives from the French butin. Should we be surprised that our latest addition to sex and Internet culture comes from the French? Hell no. Did you not catch Pascale Ferran’s adaption of Lawrence’s “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”? That’s what you call doing something justice. Butin essentially translates to being loot recovered from an opposition in an instance of war; these may include crops or goods and even slaves.

However, since then, Booty has taken on a new definition. The term isn’t new, and it has long been a reference to one’s buttocks, ass, butt- whichever. Yet in recent times, Booty has superimposed itself against a popular culture that can often be tame and lacking the wit that Booty possesses. (Ah, the powers of Booty!). We’ve established the basic meaning of Booty, and yes we have digressed, but now we can move onto the matter eating the booty..perhaps like they are groceries.

In the millennial age, oral sex seems to be less of a taboo and is being embraced by even your close friend Jack from Brighton who used to claim it’s “dirts” to ever venture down south upon a sexual partner. Alas, as the revival of oral sex progresses, we come onto our sex aficionados, who have ventured even further south, to our beloved booty. They are the Ezra Pound’s and David Bowie’s of our sexual generation; liberating in their craft, their abilities and their boldness.

Eating booty is much like its counterpart eating kitty, only that it’s more about bragging rights so that you can tell your flat mate “Yeah, I totally ate his ass too. I heard from that Tab article is was totally the thing right now and Cosmopolitan don’t see to disagree” and thus be inaugurated in as the chief flat sex expert. It is a delicate process, one that is made true by the tenacity of the people involved, made whole by its ability to bring two people together in the most intriguing of ways. You ate each other’s ass, it was fun, you both laughed and there isn’t much more to it.

But what does eating booty say about someone? Does it make them weird? Sexually woke? Someone who lives their life on the line? Well, the truth is, probably all of those things but in the most paradoxical of ways, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Someone who eats booty cannot be distinguished.

They can be just like you and I; buy their groceries from the same store, visit the same clubs, have the same penchant for late 90’s earlier 00’s RnB, (Nelly definitely ate Kelly Rowland’s booty).

They could be anyone. Are you reading this article feeling more relaxed in your booty eating habit, or are you intrigued by this sexual pastime and keen to try it out with that guy in your block who messaged you drunk during freshers claiming you reminded him of his ex girlfriend back home?

The actual act of eating booty is a delicate one. First and foremost, you don’t actually replicate eating and use your teeth, well, unless you’re into that. This is a sensitive and private area and you’ll be damned if you think you can go Hungry Hippo at the get go!

Cleanliness is also a priority in this situation, again, unless you’re into that sort of stuff, in which case you need to stop reading this article and take a good hard look at yourself because you are taking it way too far and your only place in life is in an extreme Gaspar Noé flick.

Again, there isn’t much to consider and if you’re reading this you’ve probably already made up your mind as to whether you are going to partake in such a thing. The main thing really is to enjoy yourself, and make sure whoever’s booty you are eating is enjoying themselves also. Stay clean, stay bootyful!