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1 metre squared of SUSU’s redbrick concourse was evacuated yesterday as fire terror swept through campus.

This year’s graduation has gone perfectly to plan for the University these past two weeks. Having worked hard all year, thousands of happy graduates shook hands with Don ‘The Don’ Nutbeam, on a day that no amount of overpriced photos or commemorative teddy bears could ruin. It seemed that little could disturb the tranquil peace of Highfield, until one small incident nearly caused a wave of terror across campus.

As the final ceremony of the year began to finish, horror struck as one of the cigarette stub holders on the bins gave way, releasing fresh, burning embers into the bin, unleashing a deadly fire upon the University.

Smoke covered the campus as the fire raged on

Smoke covered the campus as the fire raged on

If given enough time – roughly 8 to 10 hours – the fire could have left the nearby wall slightly charred, turning a day of happiness and elation into one of heartbreak and tragedy.

Thankfully, widespread mourning was prevented by the binmen extinguishing the flame before any actual damage or real incident of note could occur. The way in which they utilised the single small bottle of water that they had at their disposal was truly heroic. Celebrations were in order and they decided to double-line their next bin.

High standard safety regulations were in place to extinguish the fire

High standard safety regulations were in place to extinguish the fire

One shocked bystander who wishes to remain anonymous said:

A friend of mine spotted the fire and I immediately turned around to try and see it. By the time I realised where it actually was the man in a hi-vis jacket had already put it out with a small bottle of water.

The charred remains of the bin

The charred remains of the bin

With the blaze eventually defeated, most graduates that day barely even noticed the peril that they could have been in, had the response by several on-site staff been unbelievably lackadaisical. And too the attitude of the people taking over from them after their shift had ended. This article if anything, is a tribute to the heroes that day, who may otherwise have been forgotten in history. Thank you.

  • Amie

    dramatic much….

    • Not sure if troll…

      Or just Solent

      • maybe neither

        Or Wessex scene editor who missed the drama


    10/10 for the bathos.

  • Dan

    Most interesting article for a while

  • M.O.

    this story got me fired up

  • Lucy

    Hot topic!

  • GarbageMan

    Cameron’s britain for you

  • lol

    Guess it wasn’t funny either time huh GM

  • Donalbain

    We will rebuild. #neverforget

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