The guarantees of Hallamnation

Before you’ve even set foot past the double doors of drunkenness you’ve already seen the carnage strewn across Carver Street. The bodies of unfortunate drunkards who barely made it past pre-drinks litter the road but little do you know at this point that you will most likely be joining them as the next casualty of the £1 Jagerbombs.

Here is our list of what to expect on your next trip to Hallam’s own alcohol fuelled Bedlam.

The mid-week crisis

You’ve recovered from Saturday night and endured the two gruelling days of post weekend work but already the sesh is calling you. It happens to the best of us, we managed to make it this far, even turning down Code Tuesdays because this week you promised to ‘actually do some work’.

But the promise of cheap entry and even cheaper drinks is getting the best of you. So reluctantly you succumb to the urge, leave a bottle of water in your room for the inevitable hangover and join the mass of party pilgrims lumbering their inebriated bodies towards Crystal.

Photo Credit: Crystal

It begins

You’ve queued, you’ve paid and you’re in. Don’t be surprised if you’re greeted by a half-naked man in a toga or less, if it’s a sports night anything goes. Now you have options, to your left the staircase, to your right, the bar and the dance floor. Where to first?

Left turn: The staircase

Okay so you forgot to go to the toilet at pre-drinks and fancy a bit of Footloose or Drake. Bad move. Drunk people find stairs challenging enough as it is but having steps made out of smooth glass is just a disaster waiting to happen. However, the faces people pull as they feel their feet disappear from beneath them are always amusing for the rest of us.

The music

You’ve got three choices standard club music: On the bottom floor old school, sing-a-longs on the second with rap and R’N’B on the third. Take ya pick.

Photo credit: Calvin Merry

The bar

£1 Jagerbombs, the rest aren’t too bad either. Need I say more?

“Mum I’m fine”

Let’s face it, you’re not fine, are you? You’ve conquered the stairway, looked like a urinating flamingo trying to keep the door shut with one foot in the toilets, bought a Jagerbomb (or seven) and had a relatively good time dancing.

Now it’s time for the standard group club picture. You spot the cameraman amongst the sea of heads and decide that having your drunken mess of a face photographed for the world to see is the best idea ever. Someone in your dance circle volunteers as tribute and ventures off to capture the camera guy. Sometime later after being declared M.I.A they return and just before you’re snapped you’re handed a sign which reads “Mum I’m fine”. Amazing, right?

Chicken Stop

It’s been a hard day’s night and you’ve partied for so long. It’s time for food, luckily a few yards down the road back through the sesh battleground is Chicken Stop, your safe haven for the next ten minutes and comforter for the arduous journey home. It’s standard but actually makes Doner Kebab taste half good.

Once you’ve made it here you’ve completed Hallamnation, so congratulations. Your 9am is just over the horizon, but you’re already thinking about Code Thursdays.