Everything you should stop saying to second years

Let us live


OK – so you’ve made it half way through your university career/experience/binge-drinking fest.

You’ve survived countless fresher flus, you know which clubs sell dodgy vodka and you’ve FINALLY made a kitchen rota. It’s all going great.

You’ve basically reached the equator of uni life. And much like the actual equator itself, it can get pretty heated pretty quickly once someone asks you the dreaded “So, what do you want to do after uni?”

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Here are the top things every second year student has heard at least 15 times this term:

“Have you thought about what you want to do once you leave uni?”

Ok fine, very thoughtful (if not somewhat sadistic). Lovely you’re taking my future into consideration. Someone’s got to do it, right? However, this sentence sends even our strongest running to a dark room to lie down. The answer is yes we have, but only to come to the conclusion that marrying a millionaire is our only logical course of action.

“It counts now!”

Another fifty shades darker-type remark. Like, does it pleasure you to say such things? Sure, it counts now and we know this. That doesn’t mean it’s an OK thing to say out loud.

“You don’t need to work hard, it only counts for 30 per cent”

On the flip side of the ominous “it counts now” there’s always a smug third year gloating about how their year is so much more important. Yes, we admit that you have more to do but don’t undermine our year. Sadly, gone are the days of going out every single night in first year – that 30 per cent won’t do itself.

“Degrees are so much easier these days”

This utterance is often heard from the older parent or relative, who got their degree for FREE and have no idea what a degree is like ‘these days’ mainly because they’re not doing one. In fact, it’s such a silly thing to say it’s up there in the top three most annoying things to say to a second year.

Have you had a careers meeting yet?”

The sentence we’ve all heard around 20 times since coming back to uni in 2017. It’s almost as if the year 2017 has some unspoken law that this question must be asked at least once a day or else your degree dissolves. (Note: No, no we haven’t)

Careers meeting or large quantities of alcohol/glow-stick abuse ?

“You’re not a fresher anymore you know”

Much to our discomfort, we are aware of this. This is the equivalent of saying “You’re not young anymore you know” to a 60-year-old running a marathon. Never cool.

“You should really start making a CV”

A CV? Who do you take me for? I’m genuinely concerned. Seriously, the only thing I’m making is a home-made sex on the beach using Aldi peach snaps . Actually, if it tastes alright, this is CV worthy.

Such phrases causing a serious need for hibernation. Alternatively, a state induced by a badly made sex on the beach *send help*

“Have you thought about your dissertation yet?”

Considering I only learnt to spell the word ‘dissertation’ yesterday, it’s a 100% no from me. Thanks for asking though.

Your response when such a question arises

“Make mistakes while you still can!”

Seriously, no one knows what this means. I doubt the person saying it even knows. They just say it to see what happens. Just on the of chance we’ll be like, “oh shit, yeah you’re so right” and rob a bank.

“Is that a single or double?”

You’re in the club and get hit with this monstrosity. Like, I’m not sure how to react to this one. If was considering drinking a single, I’d probably have raided the communal alcohol cupboard at home and be quite content with wine in a mug. Second years don’t understand this question. Just pour the 50cl.

Enjoy your year.