Why do we keep ruining pre-drinks by talking about politics?

It’s a Thursday evening. Everyone has gathered in your mate Tom’s kitchen for pre-drinks. Ring of fire has fizzled to a halt. A big Sports Direct mug half full of Frosty Jacks, Lambrini and Newcastle Brown Ale sits un-chugged at the centre of five different conversations.

Suddenly, you hear someone pipe up from the other side of the room:

“I just think that if the media didn’t keep forcing all women to shave every inch of body hair, then society would be so much more equal. I mean, I’m a big supporter of the free the nipple hashtag, and I actually write about feminism for the Tab all the time”.

It has happened. We can’t go back. The pre-drinks are ruined.

It’s over

The voice belongs to Jess. She studies Journalism and Media at the city’s Poly, is the president of FemSoc and worst of all… writes a blog.

Now what had been a conversation about how many pork scratchings you could eat if you really knuckled down and went for it has turned into the inevitable political furore which will leave your plans of a good laugh in tatters.

Then comes the reply: “Well actually, I hardly think that the media forces women to do anything. And for that matter, when has a hashtag ever changed anything? The Tab is rubbish anyway.”

You turn quickly. It’s Derrick, the fabled flatmate. The mysterious mathematician. Legend has it that his room smells of off milk and he exists solely on a diet of steak pie and cucumber.

It’s not the time

Nobody had seen him for days, but there he stands. His neck beard moving slightly in the breeze from the open window.

The room becomes divided. Nobody really cares whether or not Jess read all of Virginia Woolf’s back catalogue. Nobody gives a single fuck about what Derrick saw on Reddit about Men’s Rights, but now the night has been well and truly ruined.

So why does Jess keep bringing up politics? And why doesn’t Derrick just shave, his neck is starting to look like a furry cloud. The thing is, neither one of them has anything better to talk about. Political opinions are like unsightly birthmarks. Loads of people have them, but they aren’t the sort of thing we want to think about when we’re supposed to be hyping ourselves up for a boogie down at Popworld. Not that anyone really goes to Popworld, but you get the point.

Not the time

You see, pre drinks are sacred. The very act of congregating together with the friends you hold dearest is one of the most important social conventions we all share. Everyone comes together. To talk, play games, to share news, and of course to drink. Pre-drinks is the pub of the 21^st century, and maybe we just haven’t evolved the ettiquette to ensure a smooth transition from sobriety into intoxication, so here’s a rough guide:

A. Don’t bring up politics because it ruins literally everything

B. There is no second rule

There we go. Easy enough, isn’t it?