The Tab’s A-Z of Sheffield – Part One

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Things you've heard of. And things you haven't. In alphabetical order.

A is for Aldi

It’s well cheap. And surprisingly good quality. Take a rucksack and some carrier bags as it’s a bit of a trek. But it’s well worth it. Think how good you’ll feel clinking past the nearby Waitrose laden with more bottles of 99p Bavaria than its customers can shake a middle-class fist at.

B is for The Botanical Gardens

If you like grass and plants, you’ll love The Botanical Gardens. There’s a shitload of flowers. And a bear pit. Yes. That’s right. A bear pit. For bears. A Victorian child fell in and was mauled to death.

There’s also an ice cream van and a fossilised tree. Fun for the whole flat.


C is for Corp

Go to Corp. At least once. Because it’s cheap and dirty. Read this.


Known for its well mannered queueing

D is for Devonshire Chippy

Dev Chippy is near Dev Green. Its chips are cheap and of mediocre quality. If you’re drunk, the £2 ‘Special’ is great. But by ‘great’ I mean satisfactory and by ‘drunk’ I mean more pickled than the eggs on the counter. Come one, come all.

E is for Endcliffe

Home sweet home. For most first years. There are loads of beds and showers and kitchens. And there’s a place called The Edge Bar which is, perhaps ironically, situated ‘at the heart of The Endcliffe Village’. You’ll make friends. Probably.

There’s also a nice park nearby.

F is for The Fat Cat

The Fat Cat is a pub. A proper, traditional pub. Go on a Monday for a great pub quiz, an even better curry and a few pints of Kelham Best bitter (£1.30 each). It’s a walk. But it’s worth it. There’s an open fire. And a cosy garden. And a real cat that wanders around.

G is for Greggs

They’re everywhere. They’re the epitome of northern cuisine. There’s even one, on Division Street, that’s open until 3 a.m. – to satisfy your nocturnal pastry penchant.

H is for The Hallam Tower

A monolithic eyesore that’s been abandoned since 2004. Once a forbidding hostel made entirely from asbestos. Now full of dead pigeons. The view from the top is impressive. But not worth risking a tumor or a fall down a lift shaft.


I is for the Information Commons (IC)

The IC is the midsection of a big turquoise cruise liner that ran aground in 2007. It’s full of books and computers and shit. Watch this. It’s open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. And has showers and a cafe. This means that most third years and postgrads save money on rent by living in the IC permanently.

How many IC puns can you make?

How many IC puns can you make?

J is for John’s Van

If you like sandwiches, you’ll love John’s Van. It was recently stolen by the Hamburglar. The Hamburglar is a local pariah who moved to Sheffield in the late 1990s to escape a lawsuit. The van has now been returned. It sells bacon and brie sandwiches for £2.10. Van-tastic.

K is for Kelham Island

‘Kelham Island is one of Sheffield’s eleven designated Quarters’. A visiting nobleman once pointed out that you can’t have eleven quarters. He was clubbed to death with bits of steel.

There’s a museum and a brewery. And loads of great pubs.


L is for the Lyceum Theatre

Alongside the Crucible and the Studio, the Lyceum is one of three Sheffield Theatres. They put on some jolly good shows and there’s an outside courtyard bit that looks really nice at night. It has lights in the floor. And little gas vents that tranquilise poor people before they try to get inside.


M is for Meadowhall

Meadowhall is huge. It was recently voted the biggest thing ever. It is staffed entirely by lost children. There are loads of shops and it’s easy to get to by tram. Meadowhall hosts the annual Sheffield Hunger Games in which students kill each other to get 10% off at H&M.



Stay with The Tab for part two – coming up later in freshers’ week!



  • Holly

    Almost every sentence is like this. Short with no commas. On every point. Dead annoying. Stop it.

  • carte sd hc

    Internet is written with the capital letter in a sentence, by the way. And hundredths are written not with a point but with a comma. This is according to the standard. And actually everything is very good..!

  • Tom

    Wait, I thought SJWs were against segregation?

    • Stranaugh

      Yeah, but if you’re a straight white man you’re totally in control of everything and everyone and you laugh while you control the weather to make sure it rains only on black, gay, transgender disabled cats.

  • ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    92% of professors are white, thats good its representative of the racial demographics of the UK. Is that what we are supposed to be aiming for? or have i missed the point?

    • Dom

      Are all of your professors from the UK?

    • Dom

      Also, no it’s not.

      • meow

        …Yes it is… In 2001 92% of the population was white, in 2011 that figure fell to 87%. So it’s pretty much spot on.

        • Dom

          So it was in 2001, but wasn’t as long as four years ago? 5% of all professors in the country is a significant number.

          • meow

            It takes a long time for someone to become a professor at a university, it is not a quick turnover of staff. So it’s totally reasonable to expect that the demographics of professors would lag behind the quickly changing demographics of the UK.

            And as to your point below, very few few of my professors are UK born. I really don’t think there was any meaningful point to be made by highlighting the percentage of white professors in the UK as there certainly isn’t an institutionalised racism problem.

            • 1664averygoodyear

              How dare you use logic to confront identity policies!!!! Report to Owen Jones at Guardian HQ for ‘Diversity Reeducation 101

            • Naff

              I agree with your point. Maybe there’s a larger percent of White professors is because they want to be professors in Universities. We can’t randomly assign blame and hatred on individuals due to colour. If a large enough of amount of individuals who happen to be BME work hard in life to achieve becoming professors, certain people wouldn’t complain but the fact that BME choose by their own choice to do something else meaning naturally there is polarisation of a certain skin colour in certain professions. Are you really going to be mad that a bunch of people who happen to be white also try hard in life to become professors?

    • 1664averygoodyear

      100% professors should be black or transgender. By doing this we would ensure ‘diversity’.

      • Feminist69

        If you truly want to destroy the inequality and patriarchy of today’s education system, we need further action. 100% of students should be black/transgender/women. Anything less is oppression!

        • 1664averygoodyear

          Good thinking comrade. One day I want to see a Britain composed of 100% Black transexuals. Then we could truly destroy the white male patriarchy and the gender binary in one fell swoop!!!

        • Naff

          But why? The fact that white people are dominating most positions in society is a combination of several things. Some of these people want and work hard to get to these positions, are you going to force them out just because of their colour? Also maybe why there isn’t more black/transgender/women taking charge could be because some are content with life, are you going to force them into these new roles just because you think that’s right?

      • jdgoldsmiths

        What is it about you being stuck in 1664? Maybe all those knuckle-dragging and non-funny “puns”?

        • 1664averygoodyear

          1664 saw the creation of Kronenbourg and the Royal Marines. It’s was a fine year!

          What year was Goldsmiths established? Oh wait I don’t give a sod.

  • Will

    I don’t understand; why do they need to convince women and racial minorities that they should have rights? Surely the demographic they should be trying to convert are the would be white male discriminators/oppressors”? Preaching and choirs come to mind…

    • Naff

      It’s simply an attempt to raise a sort of army so they have a better chance of combating the suppose inequality they see. In reality most parents told their kids to: “Go Uni and make sure you get good grades.” I as a BME student in Goldsmith rather spend my time making sure I’m secure in life. Since when have you ever heard of a rich left-wing political activist :-/

    • jim_joystique

      You’ve discounted the possibility that they’re complete morons Will.

  • SJW4Lyfe

    Are we still feigning shock that positions are held by predominately white individuals in predominately white countries?

    In that case, I think it’s shocking and inherently racist that a large percentage of teachers in Japan are Japanese!

    • Naff

      I agree. I choose rather to look at the choices of Individuals as you have bad eggs within race groups. African dictators have shown to be savages and cruel beyond imagination, therefore will I prejudge every African man or women as unfit for society? The same can be said for White people: If certain bad eggs are dominating certain sectors of society it is the fault of the individual as they represent NO GROUP especially racial group. These Goldsmiths students would hate the Tory’s of any countries regardless of colour

  • Stranaugh

    I self-identify as a non-binary POC, though people (including my girlfriend) have told me I look like a white man, am I allowed to attend?

    • 1664averygoodyear

      I am in the same boat. I’m trapped in the body of a white male, but I actually indentify as a transsexual African American from depoest Harlem, going by the name of Shaniqua.

      Can I come please? Really want to go to an event without all these accursed whiteys!

      • Naff

        Relax certain groups in Goldsmiths only create problems for themselves. Naturally they have received backlash and counter movements for their recent actions e.g. the student protest

  • BM_1995

    How is this racist? It’s absurd to suggest that BMEs can be racist. Jesus Christ some people need to read a f***ing dictionary if they don’t realise that only the powerful can be racist.

    • 1664averygoodyear

      That’s so true!!!!! It’s not like the Pakistani groomers who raped tortured and trafficked 1,400 English girls simply because they were white are racist.

      I mean how could any brown Muslim be racist. They hold no power. I mean the Islamic faith is so beleaguered globally. They only comprise 1.6BN people, the majority of the globes oil wealth, one of the single biggest trading cartels in OPEC, and the worlds fasted growing religion, oh yeah and trillions in GDP.

      The only people with any power in the world are dem nasty whiteys. Death to whitey!!!!!!

      • Feminist69

        How can you blame the Pakistani groomers for raping and torturing those English girls? It’s obviously the work of the white, cis male patriarchy! Stop oppressing all the BME LGBT women in today’s extremely unequal British society you pig!

        • 1664averygoodyear

          You’re quite right. I don’t blame them. Hopefully one day we can have a truly gender equal society like they have in Pakistan!!!

    • answer

      Actually, I looked it up in a dictionary and it says “Racism = : poor treatment of or violence against people because of their race”. Read more here

    • Naff

      I agree all races have the ability to utter racism. If I was in charge of these Rouge Goldsmiths Students I’d make them realise they are best spent focusing on their respective degrees because right now what they’re doing has everybody else with a #AintNoBodyGotTimeForThat

    • rufus_t

      CDO: “someone who believes that other races are not as good astheir own and therefore treats them unfairly” “a person who believes in racism, the doctrine thatone’s own racial group is superior or that aparticular racial group is inferior to the others.”

      Collins: “the belief that races have distinctive cultural characteristics determined by hereditary factors and that this endows some races with an intrinsic superiority over others”

      OED: “A person who shows or feels discrimination orprejudice against people of other races, or whobelieves that a particular race is superior to another”

      Merriam Webster: “poor treatment of or violence against people because of their race, the belief that some races of people are better than others”

      Please could you point out where any of the above definitions make any reference to how powerful someone is? Or is this just another incidence of redefining words to make it acceptable-when-I-do-it-but-not-when-you-do.
      Incidentally, on this imaginary scale which is more powerful, an ordinary student or the Welfare and Diversity Officer for the entire Students’ Union?

    • Starwarsfan777

      You are one dopey fucker. Racist to boot.

  • Feministfail

    Didn’t you get the memo? All white men are privately educated, pathological rapists. C’mon guys – you should know this by now. Well done society for generating such a warped view of equality. Holding a diversity event but preventing one particular demographic from turning up. How fucking pathetic.

    • Naff

      It’s simply Feminism using Men as a whole (not individually) as a scapegoat for their problems in the world

  • Marcos

    What a thing to get outraged about… What is it about a BME organising meeting that people find so objectionable? A group of anti racists want to provide a platform that is guaranteed not to silence or marginalise the people it’s catering for. Sarcasm really is the lowest form of wit, judging by the comments section.

    • Stupid

      Do you not see the flaw in your own argument there? A group of anti-racists hold a meeting but prevent white people from attending? If you think that ‘provides a platform’ to reduce segregation you’re seriously deluded.

      • Marcos

        The platform is for marginalised voices that normally get crowded out – ‘segregation’ doesn’t come into it. Try to keep up.

        • Jimmy M

          What do you think would have happened had white people and men been allowed to attend? Would they have dominated the event? How exactly? Also, what would be the point off excluding white people in a nation which is 90% white if your hope is for some sort of social change; surely you should be inviting white people so that they may hear your message. Unless of course your message is so weak that it cannot bear any critique and so must live within a bubble, buffeted from reality.

          • Marcos

            Why do you feel entitled to go to an event you haven’t been invite to? Quit whining.

            • Starwarsfan777

              Why do you feel entitled to a boardroom position you haven’t earned? Quit whining.

              • Marcos

                What are you blathering about?

                • Starwarsfan777

                  Well naturally equality would be an alien concept to a moron like yourself.

                • Starwarsfan777

                  Check your privilege.

        • Stupid

          The issue is Marcos – if your end goal is to reduce marginalization then your meetings shouldn’t prevent people from attending. That, in itself, it marginalization. The irony is that the very thing you’re trying to prevent is the very thing that you’re actually encouraging. It’s funny that you criticize people for being sarcastic, but you’re last reply to me ended in “try to keep up”. Hypocrisy is an awful trait, my friend.

          • Marcos

            It really isn’t complicated. This doesn’t hurt White men, or men in general. If a women’s group want to talk about their experiences in an environment without men, they aren’t oppressing anyone. This is an event for BME women. It’s nothing to get upset about. I’m sure you’ll be invited to the next party.

            • Stupid

              Here’s where you are wrong. If a women’s group met to discuss women’s issues, that would be fine. There wouldn’t be such a need to include men. You’re right in that sense. But here they met to discuss marginalisation, which in some way or form will effect everyone. To suggest that women and BMEs are the only people who experience marginalisation is ridiculous. This very meeting has left white males marginalised! Marginalisation is something which effects everyone, regardless of gender, race, age, upbringing etc. So why aren’t men welcome? Just because you’re a BME doesn’t mean you’re marginalised, and just because you’re a white male doesn’t mean you’re not. You’ve developed this pseudo-scientific logic behind your argument and it’s so far beyond the truth it’s almost ridiculous. It’s actually laughable.

              • Marcos

                I respectfully disagree. Of course anyone can feel marginalised, however these issues have their idiosyncrasies / specificities, whatever you want to call them. This is ONE event, and does not imply the locking out of white men from discussions about race forevermore.

                • Stupid

                  Liking your own comment because nobody else agrees with you. You can repeat the fallacious line that this is about “anti-racism”, but everybody knows it’s categorically, unquestionably racist. For these groups to survive under the guise of ‘equality’ is completely beyond me. You simply cannot encourage diversity when you disqualify certain demographics from events. You are seriously deluded.

                  • Marcos

                    Liking my own comment? If I did that it was genuinely unintended. You have revealed yourself to be a petty pillock though and I am done arguing with a plank of wood.

                    • Stupid

                      You can call me whatever you want, Marcos. But it won’t disguise the fact that everyone thinks you’re an idiot.

                    • Marcos

                      Oh *everyone* thinks I’m an idiot do they? It’s too bad there are so many here willing to cosign your particular brand of idiocy.

                    • Stupid

                      It’s funny how “my particular brand of idiocy” is actually agreed with by 90% of the comments on this article. In fact, other papers such as The Telegraph and The Standard also agree with “my particular brand of idiocy”. I suggest you read the articles. But of course, Marcos, despite almost 100% of people agreeing with the argument, you’ve got the balls to suggest we’re the idiots. Let me tell you something – if you cannot see past the fact that “anti-racist” movement of BME left-wing revolutionaries is racist in itself, you are, in fact, the racist. I hope you’re glad you’ve made such a twat out of yourself on this thread. Perhaps when the next shitty round of BME campaigns comes around you’ll be able to do the same.

                    • Marcos

                      Good for you, victory for common sense. Twat.

                    • Lizzie

                      I agree. Marcos is a huge idiot

                    • Marcos

                      Even Lizzie agrees! What will my friends and family think?

    • Naff

      Since the BME organised events are merely a front for feminists to think of more ways to suck the fun out of Goldsmiths

    • CommoKyl

      It’s people like you that really piss me off. Your mind is running the same way a republican congressmans does. Missing the point of the anger entirely and just continuing to make the wrong assumptions about why people are doing what they are doing. You seriously believe that because they have been oppressed( which I do believe in the plight of minorities in this country throughout history, sound would be a fool not to) it isn’t racism singling out a very specific demographic?

      • Marcos

        No, it isn’t ‘racism’. White men are not being oppressed because they happen not to have been invited to this one event. Your outrage is completely misplaced.

        • bellendmarcos

          shut up you fucking bellend

          • Marcos

            Hahaha so desperate to feel ‘special’. I’m sorry the world doesn’t show you enough love, I truly am.

    • Starwarsfan777

      Shut up you racist pig.

  • FeminazisMustDie

    So if you’re a black man you’re not allowed in either? Doesn’t this just diminish the point even further? What’s next? Only allowed in if you’re a black lesbian who is also vegan?

    • Naff

      Probably allowed in since they’ve created a double standard as we’re black not white

  • Stephen Beard

    Why did you neglect to include “and men” in the headline?

  • carbonated_turtle

    Oh, but it’s okay! She’ll have something for us lads to do too! Thank you, Queen Mustafa!

    And why do I get the feeling her given name is actually something closer to Jane McGregor?

  • Leave.this.planet.

    You cannot write. Please stop peddling the content of your flaccid, bigoted mind by trying to disguise it as something that might be relevant. Aside from being full of shite, you can’t even articulate yourself properly. I can’t work out if you volunteered at the right wing think tank, or if they offered you a job having found you pulling the wings of a butterfly, crying and longingly staring at someone having fun. The sad thing about you is that you don’t make me angry, you just make me feel a bit sad. I hate what you say but I especially despise how you say it. For some strange reason I’m ashamed to share a university with you. In spite of all that, it would be a pleasure to one day meet you.

  • Jenny Smith

    The university has NO choice but to kick her out, racism is not tolorated in this country period.

  • Rob Silvertree

    Silly Cow….

  • Prince Ubununu Ekichekiwala
  • KC Schultz

    Please sign and share petition to make sure she does not get away with her actions. Over 11K supporters so far!

  • Whatever

    I take it you disagree with the article then?

  • Nope

    What a great retort.
    Oh wait…no it isn’t.

  • bad kangaroo

    Anonymous post, predictable.

  • Naff

    Does Goldsmiths Safe space policy extend to whites too? If it does I have hardly seen its effectiveness. If it doesn’t it fails as a policy as it’s not universal

  • Naff

    It’s predictable. Your best bet is to create a counter movement to overthrow the current members in the student union and replace them with less annoying ones #whereIsGoldsmithsMaleOfficer??

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