Why every student house should have a paddling pool

Forget toastie makers, forget spice racks, forget the arty crap you picked up in Burma on your gap year, your student kitchen needs a paddling pool.

Normally the preserve of toddlers’ birthday parties in the summer months, a paddling pool is the most versatile and exciting piece of furniture you will ever buy. Fill it with cushions and you’ve got a cracking hang out area, far better than a sofa. If you’re really confident you can even call it your “hot tub”.

I know you want one

You don’t even need to put water in it. We certainly can’t given that the Oxford WiFi servers are in the flat underneath. I don’t want an angry mob showing up outside my house asking why Eduroam is even worse than normal.

Eating at a table is so last term and that stale sandwich or tepid Pot Noodle will taste so much better when reclining in a plastic inflatable. When you eat in a paddling pool you’ll realise how unnecessary tables are. You’ll also feel cool and edgy, even if in reality you have no idea who JME is or what a Skengman actually does.

I’m so cool

House parties are also improved hugely simply by having a paddling pool. People will walk in and forget their worries over the quality of your playlist, which will probably just be another Kygo summer mix and think: that’s a bloody paddling pool! Even if the drink runs out by ten and that annoying housemate winds you up, everyone else will be so excited by the paddling pool that they won’t notice the arguments kicking off upstairs.

Paddling pools also provide the ideal location for pre drinking with an exotic twist. Given British weather, it’s surprising indoor paddling pools haven’t become popular sooner. Even in freezing December the kitchen-based paddling pool, coupled with a decent radiator, will make you feel like you’re on a Caribbean beach. Throw on some shorts and sunglasses, wack the reggae on and enjoy the fleeting taste of a glamorous holiday. You’ll just have to imagine the bikini clad supermodels…

Best pre drinks everrr

Talking of supermodels, if like me you’re the Norwich City of pulling then it’s definitely time to whip the paddling pool out. With a 100 per cent record, the offer of a “drink in the paddling pool” is the ultimate pick-up line. And even if the dabble in the paddle proves unsuccessful then at least you’ll have treated the lucky person to the most unusual of post-club experiences.

However, if you have no trouble with pick ups then the pool is also a definite step up from the kitchen table: it’s more comfortable and your housemates won’t force you to buy a new table because they’re no longer comfortable eating off it.

Nothing to see here

Student kitchens can be tragic places, usually filled with filthy plates and last night’s cheesy chips, and that is why they are the perfect place for a paddling pool. Quirky and enormously useful, a paddling pool is the ideal addition to your student house. Just don’t hang about, soon everyone will have one.