These awful graduates thought ‘straight outta Oxford’ really spoke to them
They’re just the worst
Stefan HarveyWe all saw the tasteless Instagram post before it got taken down but we spoke to some dicks who thought it was pretty funny
Luca
“I come from a long line of Italian media barons. My dad’s favourite pastimes are tax evasion and sleeping with people half his age and I just didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. Instead I’d like to pursue a career in corporate, target-based academia and I’ve had loads of offers for over-priced, business-focused Masters programmes. Dad won’t pay for everything though and says I need to work and do a part-time degree but like, what kind of English graduate ends up working in a coffee shop? I’m way better than that. The struggle is-”
We cut him off there.
Minnie
“Hi I’m Minnie but everyone calls me ‘Mins’. I had this great opportunity to do an unpaid internship at the offices of this boutique fashion blog in Shoreditch. It’s called ‘subleme’ – a mixture of sublime and supreme. Anyway mum and dad wouldn’t pay my rent in London. The place I wanted was really modest as well – just an edgy cellar conversion with chipboard walls and no natural light. It was only gonna be £400 a week. I’m stuck at home for now but I don’t want to get a mainstream job where I’m exploited for my labour.”
Henry
“Last summer I spent ten weeks slaving away at this management consultancy firm that provides consultation for management consultancy firms. They didn’t offer me a contract so now I’ve got nothing to go to. It’s a real shame because I’m so passionate about completing tasks and every morning I wake up just raring to be an inspirational team leader. At least I had enough cash after the internship to get absolutely lathered in South East Asia for three weeks. It was a really eye-opening experience.”
Meanwhile, Lawrence didn’t want to be photographed.
“I had a lot of problems at home throughout my degree and I didn’t always want to go back during the vacation. College finally gave me adequate vacation residence before my finals but up until then, I’d had nowhere else to go. It’s the main reason I barely came out with a 2:2 and I’m sort of wondering why I bothered.”
Omg guys, Jacob Elordi is going to Oxford University in October to study English
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He asked one student assault victim if they were ‘aware of the effect they had on men’, but has now secured a post at another college
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In one subject, studying it at Oxbridge over any other uni will get you £47k more per year
Oxford University College offers students a Halal menu option but it includes… red wine
One student said she was ‘sadly not surprised’ at the mistake
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at The University of Oxford have successfully sued the uni
Emma Watson studies on Oxford’s creative writing course
So, people are rinsing Oxford students for dancing at a ball and it’s low-key really mean
A Ceilidh is a huge part of Scottish culture
Oxford University Vice-Chancellor with £232k salary says grads should be donating to their uni
Was my £9k a year not enough!
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at Oxford are suing the university for unfair dismissal
The lecturers also compared their situation to the Post Office scandal
Oxford uni called ‘patronising’ for job advice despite banning its students from working
Oxford’s policy on part-time jobs reads: ‘Term-time employment is not permitted except under exceptional circumstances’
Students from two Oxford colleges are throwing Saltburn themed parties this term
One of them is Felix and Oliver’s actual college from the film
Students at University of Oxford housed in four-star hotels due to a lack of accommodation
One of the hotels costs up to £150 a night and has an indoor pool and spa
A professor at the University of Oxford has told students to use ChatGPT for essays
The economics students were told AI ‘should help you produce a much better essay’
Oxford students forced to sleep in queues for over 24 hours to sign uni accommodation
‘It was absolutely freezing, I’m wearing three jumpers right now’
All the Oxford on campus filming locations where Emerald Fennell shot Saltburn
Harrison BrocklehurstStudents literally loaned their actual dorm rooms to the production team
BBC denies allegations of antisemitism on University Challenge due to octopus mascot and Palestinian flag colours
‘We utterly condemn the abuse that has been posted and shared’
Oxford student found escort waiting in their room booked by the university
The student found a ‘woman sitting on [their] bed in a lingerie robe’ in their hotel room
So, some Oxford Colleges actually have a chalet students can visit and it’s big Tory vibes
Rah Bartholomew are you coming to the College chalet this year?
Katie Hopkins is speaking at the Oxford Union this term and shock, no one wants her
She’s going to be debating… veganism?
Oxford College asks students to sleep on mattresses in shared rooms due to RAAC in halls
Not really the Oxford dark-academia dream you signed up for is it?
Here’s where else to watch the Outer Banks cast while you wait patiently for season four
Filling the major Pogue shaped hole in my life rn
Phoebe Kowhai
Everything Natalie and Collins have been up to since their disastrous time on MAFS Australia
If I had to hear about Collins discussing OnlyFans, you do too
Everything Richard Gadd has said about Jessica Gunning’s captivating Baby Reindeer performance
Francesca Eke‘It lived and died on Martha and we couldn’t have been luckier’
Okay, so what happens next in the Ellie and Jono cheating saga on MAFS Australia 2024?
Ellie RingJono becomes public enemy number one
The 10 best songs on Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department, according to streams
Justice for So High School!!!
Jess reveals she and Callum ‘no longer speak’ after he did something ‘unforgiveable’ to her
‘I wouldn’t say he’s a friend’
Hi Barbie! Meet the student who has written her entire dissertation on the Barbie movie
Not her supervisor’s name being Ken!
Holidays and moving in together: Inside Tom and Molly’s adorable post Love Island life
They’re actually too wholesome
Baby Reindeer’s Jessica Gunning has spoken out about people trying to find the real Martha
‘I think it’s a real, real shame, because it shows that they haven’t watched the show properly’
‘Taylor Swift pub’ The Black Dog staff have spoken out about chaotic week mobbed by Swifties
‘We’ve got a Swift half pint on the menu, which people can get for free if they sing a Taylor lyric’
Kim Kardashian is ‘over’ Taylor Swift feud and ‘thinks Taylor should move on’ after new song
Taylor’s new album features a song called ‘thanK you aIMee’ which is believed to be a massive dig at Kim
From tattoos to moving in together: What are Tori and Jack up to after MAFS Australia 2024?
They’re in their own little bubble
More lies Jack from MAFS Australia has been telling his ex have surfaced and it’s chaos
‘He’s only staying with Tori because he’s backed into a corner’
Ben slams Ellie for being ‘vindictive’ on MAFS and claims she’s with Jono for ‘publicity’
‘She always played the victim’
Cast member Ben claims MAFS Australia 2024 producers mocked and ‘criticised’ his ADHD
‘I didn’t sign up to be taken advantage of through my mental health’
A look inside the wholesome life of Jessica Gunning who carried Baby Reindeer as Martha
I can’t believe she’s not actually Scottish
No ifs, no buts: These are the absolute WORST episodes of Black Mirror ever
Black Mirror episode idea: Me being forced to watch these on loop