Oxford is only the 5th best uni in the world

We didn’t beat Cambridge


Oxonians everywhere are dismayed, after new university rankings say the university is just the fifth best in the world.

The CWUR rankings have Oxford beaten by Yank strongholds Harvard, Stanford and MIT, as well as eternal rival Cambridge.

they don’t get to wear gowns for dinner though, do they

We’re one of just two UK universities in the top 25, in a list dominated by US heavyweights. The next best UK uni is UCL, sitting at a dismal 27.

Oxford’s done particularly badly in the important quality of teaching and alumni employment categories, placing seventh and thirteenth respectively.

We’re also only the twelfth most influential university in the world – whilst Cambridge are sixth.

One outraged Oxford fresher said: “There is pro american bias in academia. it is self serving and self glorifying for Americans to keep telling themselves that their own universities are the best in the world.”

Another added: “Fucking yanks.”