Ukraine in the membrane: Vladimir Putin’s Desert Island Discs

Given the possible repercussions of Vlad’s imperialist tendencies we thought it would be a good idea to prepare his Desert Island Discs. Also politics can be super dull and someone needs to make light of the terrifying geopolitical trends emerging at the minute, so here are our thoughts:

Music

The Beatles – Back in the USSR 

It isn’t difficult to imagine Putin standing atop a tank riding into conquered Kiev with a bit of John and Paul blaring from the speakers of helicopters overhead. Especially fitting given Vlad’s apparent wish to recreate some combination of the Russian Empire and USSR.

Justin Timberlake – Cry-me-a River

A lesser known remix of JT’s classic ‘Cry Me a River’, this Black Sea focused B side would fit perfectly in the iTunes of Europe’s favourite megalomaniac.

a veritable pussy-riot

Boney M – Rasputin

Many of Putin’s policies seem to hark back to a Tsarist Russia, so why can’t his choice of music fit this too? A sing-a-long favourite in the Kremlin.

Electric Six – Gay Bar

When Vlad isn’t plotting world domination you can find him suppressing Russian homosexuals and riding horses with his shirt off. This song seems to fit his latent homosexuality and penchant for bareback riding perfectly (if you get what we mean).

“Let’s start a war, start a nuclear war,
At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar”

Puttin’ On The Ritz – Harry Richman

Sorry, we couldn’t resist, this one even comes with an accompanying video that is pure genius.

Pussy Riot – Putin will teach you to love the motherland

Secretly Vlad is a massive Pussy Riot fan, regularly arresting and re-imprisoning the group because he doesn’t want the secret to get out, them to go big and him have to stop liking them because they’re ‘just so mainstream’.

Book

Watchmen – A chilling fable charting how Western decadence will ultimately lead to the nuclear decimation of New York, where Americans are the bad guys. Features in the comic book collection of every sociopath, power crazed dictator and world domination enthusiast from Beijing to Boston.

Also, there are lots of pretty pictures.

Luxury:

You Get Out What You Putin – “how Vlad lost his winter weight” DVD

Vlad’s exercise video is a little known treat, chronicling Putin’s progress from dumpy diplomat to toned Tsar. If only it were real.

Yes we made this.. It’s been a slow easter

Suggestions? Comment below or email [email protected]. За нашу дружбу!