It’s time to face the truth: Wetherspoons is the most overrated place that ever existed

Prior to heading to university, I was sadly ill-educated, I had (cue gasp) never been to the mythical, magical land of Wetherspoons.

Luckily, as soon as my flatmates discovered this they remedied it with impressive speed. They swept me away through the pouring rain to Spoons to say farewell to an early drop-out. Upon arriving, everyone began remarking on how at home they felt in the familiar embrace of the chain, remarking on the things that never varied in Spoons up and down this great nation; the crockery, the pitchers and the general atmosphere.

I was, I am embarrassed to admit, underwhelmed. The general silence, as no music plays, was filled in with raucous shouts from students and elders alike who have had one pitcher too many. Once the drinking began, it is the only place I know that didn’t improve. In fact, it somehow got worse, the spaces when people, admittedly slightly tipsy, usually get up and dance were instead filled with strangers wandering between tables, discussing their life’s work as window cleaners while accusing members of our group of having overly large ears. All in all, I was left uninspired and genuinely confused as to the calibre of people spending their days and/or nights at the infamous establishment.

Upon return my flatmates were eager to hear my evaluation, and I told them that I was left uninspired. This led to, for lack of a better word, a torrent of abuse. I come from further south than London, and so “posh girl” inevitably made it into the onslaught, I hasten to add that it was said jokingly rather than accusatorially.

Maybe I am indeed “too southern” or “too posh” to appreciate the charms that Spoons has to offer. Of course the standard student slogan of “it’s cheaper” was also thrown at me as a viable argument for continued visits, but the difference between it and a pub is marginal, especially if you pay attention to the Happy Hours, or better yet, Happy Days.

I am sure that this article is more likely to enrage rather than inspire people to change their misguided ways. I would, however, like to leave people with the thought that choosing Spoons for a pub or “classy cocktail” night is equivalent to choosing McDonald’s as the restaurant for your next dinner date.