VOTE NOW: Nottingham’s WORST Night Out

Where's hot and where's Nott?

Nottingham: a city famed for its gun crime, Robin Hood and eclectic student nightlife.

But, for all the hype about a big night out on the town, are our clubs actually any good?

Do the edgy kids really enjoy the blinding lasers and unrelenting bass of The Lacehouse? Has anyone ever gone to Gatecrasher and not got lost within thirty seconds? And is it truly possible to ignore that Ocean smell?

From the gropey and overcrowded to the dingy and neglected, it’s time for YOU to decide, once and for all, the title of Nottingham’s Worst Night Out.

Market Bar

Market Bar busy

Damp, dark and exciting for all of ten minutes, if the British Summer was a nightclub, it would most certainly be Market Bar. With an inexplicably long queue and one monotonous house track seemingly on repeat, nights such as DIVE turn out to be about as sociable as the sweaty bloke pressed up against you.

Minor upsides include cool points for attending and plenty of ‘edgy’ clothes to laugh smugly at.

Wavey garms, bro

Wavey garms, bro


gatecrasher stairs we hate you

Formerly an ‘official’ UoN club (until some bright spark at the Students’ Union realised that no one ever actually went) Gatecrasher continues to retain countless logistical problems.

With approximately twenty billion stairs and a similar number of rooms, it is physically impossible to not get separated from your friends in Gatecrasher’s labyrinthine passages. Still, at least all that stumbling from top floor to dance floor will burn off the overpriced Jagerbombs.

The Forum

forum so busy

The conclusion to countless Student Clubber bar crawls, Forum is something of an enigma. Despite seeming to forever maintain a queue that literally stretches around the corner, Forum is never busy inside or any good.

With its bizarre and barely reachable podiums causing more accidents than an untrained puppy, Forum exists in a permanent state of Fresher occupation (all of whom happen to possess the unbridled enthusiasm of an untrained puppy).

The Lacehouse

lacehouse shit lasers

If you like snapbacks, not being able to have an audible conversation and a light scheme that is half school-disco chic, half sci-fi laser beam, The Lacehouse is the underground club for you.

With walls sweating more than a dyslexic on Countdown and pupils rounder than a fresher who’s just discovered Domino’s vouchers, The Lacehouse is definitely not the most gregarious venue in Nottingham.


ocean 1

Without doubt Nottingham’s most (in)famous night, you’ll be hard pressed to find a student who has the self-restraint to avoid dipping their toes in the Ocean at least once a year.

However, does Ocean deserve its legendary status? It smells worse than that cheese you left at the back of your fridge for the entirety of second year, the music’s as predictable as the Saturday morning hangover and Baywatch should come with a health warning – with all those shirts flying around, you’ll have to be like a midget at a urinal: on your toes.

  • http://j Anonymous

    Sad to see The Forum on this list. It’s long been a favourite of mine.

  • kristi

    I’m putting a night on at Lacehouse on 6th December but it ain’t gunna be any of these things. This time there will be BANDS playing in the middle of the floor so the PA surrounds you. It will be cool and you should all come to change your mind about the lacehouse being a bad night out.

  • Adameus

    This article is very funny and very true.
    The haters on here are the clearly sub-mental fans of the mentioned clubs and can’t understand why their terrible lack of self esteem and taste is a source of amusement for people who aren’t sheep.

    • Dolly


  • sucka ma balls

    There are a lot of trent trolls on this page. The tab isn’t for Poly uni’s.

    • fyi


      (If you want to insult Trent, please at least /consider/ using proper grammar. That way it looks just a tiny bit less pathetic.)

      (It’s still kind of sad. FYI.)

  • Kewl tab journalist 123

    Ocean is by far the b3st!!!!”111

    THEY play all the tunes from the radio with chris moyls aNd scot mills andd….. best of all…. bay watch 1D (omg111) and bewitched.

    get down there if we all can’t resits a dip in the OCEAN at some point :p

  • Lucas

    Although I hate to say it, Rock City deserves a mention.
    After a four year absence from Notts, I arrive back only to find the Saturday night playlist unchanged.
    I imagine it’s the attitude of ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’.
    …but it most definitely is broke.



Get the best of The Tab on our app.

, Nottingham Features Editor of The Tab

Man spotted spying on students’ windows with telescope in Lenton

One student says he caught him looking at girls

, Nottingham Features Editor of The Tab

It’s official: Forum is the worst club in Nottingham

No one’s surprised

VOTE NOW: Best dressed exam season edition

Who was the best dressed on campus this week?

, Assistant Editor

Putlocker has been blocked by internet service providers

Goodbye, old friend

Your gym leggings might be causing you health problems

At least they make you look cool

, Exeter Editor of The Tab

Can you guess whether these people are pro-Brexit?

See if they’re innies or outies based on their outfit

Can you guess the price of these Waitrose ‘Essentials’?

You paid how much for Ardennes Pâté?

, Argument Editor

Forget London, I’m moving to Bath

It’s better in every single way