The LAD Bible called me out for taking pictures of my food in a restaurant

I was out in Norwich with my friend Sylvie, excited to get some shots for an article I was writing for The Tab, titled ‘Things to do in Norwich when you’re single AF’. It was a guide for lonely people on Valentine’s Day, listing all the fun things you could do in Norwich alone on the day of love.

For one of the suggestions, we took a lot of pictures at Jamie Oliver’s for the ‘Go to a restaurant and have deep conversations (with yourself)’ part of the article, making sure we got the right one for the article before happily digging into our pasta. We left the restaurant content.

A few days later, we were exposed for our crime.

Someone had taken a video of us furiously taking pictures at Jamie Oliver’s and The LADBible published this video Facebook, captioning it ‘Couple Refuses to Stop Taking Pictures of Food’:

The mysterious person, who was obviously much more morally upright than we were, captioned his own Snapchat video with a judgemental “JUST EAT IT”. Almost seven million people viewed the video, spending two minutes of their lives learning about how immoral we were, while almost 35 thousand people expressed their disgust in the comments section.

Some commented that we may have been doing this for a blog, others said not to judge us. While discovering that Sylvie and I were the “scum of the earth”, I did manage to find a few sweet angels out there.

Most comments, however, were from outraged people saying things like, “This is why our society is fucked up!”, “I hate my generation”, and “What has the world come to!” After scrolling through too many of these comments, I suddenly realised that yes! I have sinned against humanity! How dare I take pictures of food for an article! I was ashamed of myself.

One picture (as seen below) showed Sylvie, my partner in crime, in the reflection of the window. This was, according to many Facebook users, the worst part of it all. That she actually had the downright indecency to go outside and take a picture, all for the purpose of Instagram or Facebook (apparently)! And me being the narcissistic one, ‘posing’ inside the restaurant.

This next picture represents the reason why the world is in chaos right now.

Another angle. I think we went too far by taking this one. Way too far.

And yet another angle, featuring horrible attention-seeking millennial number two. Legend has it that we even sent our food back because it got cold. I didn’t even know we did that! What a lack of self awareness. Thank you Facebook users for enlightening us.

I’m sorry I made you into the ‘worst person out there’, Sylvie. I claim credit for this horrendous deed. Look at me single-handedly destroying our society.

We eventually settled for using this picture in the article. Was it really worth the amount of corruption that we added to our generation? Someone even compared us to Donald Trump. Was this picture really worth ruining the lives of millions?

My face says it all.

Don’t take pictures of food. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your parents.

Unless you want to entertain a creepy stalker who would take videos of you and millions of people on Facebook who have nothing better to do with their lives, which I’m pretty sure Sylvie and I succeeded in doing. Maybe we’re not completely useless people.

If anyone wants my autograph, I’ll be ready to sign as ‘narcissistic millennial’ anytime.