Things to do in Norwich when you’re single af

Yes, being single is fun. Even on Valentine’s Day. Remember to observe all the couples around you with obvious disgust, even as you die a little more inside with every kiss that you watch happen, every pair of happy, giggly, lovesick people that you observe. Who needs a relationship anyway? Not this sad and lonely individual!

Find the perfect cafe to have a romantic meal by yourself

Treat yourself to a very lonely lunch at this charming cafe. It’s the perfect place to wallow in your self-pity. There’s even a sign outside tempting you to pre-book your table (for one).

The Royal Theatre may offer you some much needed consolation

Get cosy with yourself in the Royal Theatre. Catch one of the most tragic shows there, like ‘The Red Shoes’, to make you feel better about your tragic love life. It’s a story about a ballerina who is possessed by a pair of haunted dancing shoes, and dances uncontrollably until the point of exhaustion. She also dies. It’s truly a mood-lifter.

Ahh, the bitter sound of cheesy, romantic love songs

Norwich has loads of music around, so why not let those lovey-dovey tunes rub salt in your wounds? Don’t worry, an ice cream cone a day helps the pain to go away! Well, sort of anyway.

Be lonely by the riverside

The riverside is a gorgeous place to sit and contemplate your lack of game in the dating world. There are even obliging benches that will keep you company as you think about how lonely your life actually is.

Book a seat for one in the cinema

Look at that happy smile. I was absolutely thrilled to be watching a nice movie with myself; I mean, not many people get the chance to go on a movie date with me. Possibly…because no one wants to. If you bring yourself to stomach something as smushy and lovey-dovey as La La Land on this wonderful day of the year, then I applaud you. Go forth, my stoic soldier.

Don’t forget to take the mandatory Valentine’s Day picture of you and your (nonexistent) partner

Everyone will be posting their own Valentine’s Day pictures on the 14th of February. I found the best place in Norwich for a nice stroll and a scenic photo: Elm Hill. I was so prepared, I even brought my selfie stick. All I needed was a significant other. Maybe I should have borrowed that judgmental guy who looked at me like I was insane.

Go to a restaurant and have deep conversations (with yourself)

What the lack of company does to my mood, the taste of the spaghetti makes up for. You can always count on food to be there for you. Date food, not people.

Hide out with some afternoon tea

Biddy’s Tea Room is wonderful and has an Alice in Wonderland theme. Here, one can dream of hiding in a hole and retreating into an alternate universe just like Alice did. And you get to cover your sorrows with cake crumbs.

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody

Feel the heat with nobody as you turn it up by yourself at the Waterfront while strangers laugh at your despair. Alternatively, because it falls on a Tuesday this year, you’ve got a classic Damn Good at the LCR to look forward to. Clutch a VK in both hands so people know you mean business and hopefully no one will approach you.

Hopefully these suggestions will improve your day of misery and lonesomeness infinitely tomorrow. In retrospect, actually, you might just want to stay home and sleep the day away. It’s much less misery.