What does your uni room say about you?

Your uni room is where you are going to spend most of your time over the next year and decorating your room is one of the first things you can do to make yourself feel at home, but not everybody does it well.

The Picture Collage

Sad that you’re going off to uni and leaving your friends at home? Want to remember all of those memories you shared together? No, you just went and printed off the load of photos in which you look hot and skinny. That cute arranged collage that takes pride of place on your wall in halls is not fooling anyone. Oh and that adorable selfie of you and your bae that you’ve been with since you were 16, who’s staying back in Surrey to work in the local garden centre and save up for your future together, yeah you’ll cheat on them by the end of freshers week with your flatmate.

The Great Gatsby Poster

Read The Great Gatsby once, now does a literature degree. Three weeks in and you’re regretting your quick decision now that you’re up to your neck in reading and SparkNotes can no longer guarantee you that grade.

The Breaking Bad Poster

You watched every single episode of the show the summer before uni. You now think it’s cool to refer to your friends as “bitch” but secretly worry that you’ll accidentally refer to your mum that way out of habit. You reckon you could definitely try crystal meth and not get addicted. Probably even considering cooking meth in the kitchen of your halls for a bit of extra money to spend in the LCR, because your cleaner would “look the other way anyway”.

The Kurt Cobain Poster

You consider yourself a loner who “no one understands”, when in reality, you’re a middle class creative writing student with a big group of friends who thinks quoting song lyrics from that gig you went to once will guarantee you sex. You probably wear fishnets and Doc Martins, have long hair (which you occasionally dye pink) and play the guitar.

 The Map/Fabric Wall Hanging 

You went on a gap year? Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you the first 20 times. You should have mentioned that you “found yourself” that time you met those “amazing local women”. Well, you say, “met”, but you sort of heard about them from the American water skiing instructor you pulled, and he wouldn’t lie to you, would he?

That fabric wall hanging really shows how edgy and multicultural you are. No, honestly, I can really see how the cultures you’ve visited have “stuck with you” and “changed your views on society forever”. You probably do American Studies or Geography and you literally chose your entire degree based on your gap year, but now you have to sit through seminar after seminar on The Revolutionary Era without a fucking clue what’s going on.

The “I Have Given Up” Room

There’s 99 bottles of the SU’s own brand vodka on the wall. You convince yourself and others that you’re too busy to clean your room even though your days are spent tagging your friends in memes about the sesh and when in reality you spend your nights crying in the smoking area of blue bar about Dan from Hockey. Will you ever start going to seminars? Probably not.

The OCD Level Tidy Room

Picture this, a romantic setting, you’ve just brought a boy back, but oh no what’s this? He’s moving one of your perfectly positioned “Live, Laugh, Love” cushions four inches away from where it should be. How ever will you survive? You’ve missed so many seminars already that you overcompensate with an organised desk and a shiny new folder for every day of the week. You may think you’re different to the above bedroom but the truth is you’re the exact same. At least they don’t try and deny that their life is a mess. No amount of scented candles is going to hide the fact that you’ll probably just scrape a 2:2.

The Empty Room

Seriously, what are you trying to prove.