UEA worse than Robert-Gordon University for graduate prospects

Start panicking about what you’ll do after graduation: the Complete University Guide ranks UEA a lowly 48th for graduate prospects.

Scoring a meagre 70.1, we’re somehow less employable than graduates from the mysterious and unknown Robert-Gordon University (anyone?), which scored 80.2.

Enjoy your time here while you can, for the outside world is harsh and unforgiving

A quick Google reveals Robert-Gordon is actually situated in Aberdeen, a city that boasts, among other things, one of the largest man-made holes in Europe. A buzzing student attraction if ever there was one.

Still undecided as to whether or not to transfer there? Robert-Gordon academics once suggested there was a solid link between global warming and obesity. Apparently if “every obese and overweight person in the world lost 10 kilograms, the resulting drop in greenhouse emissions would be the equivalent of 0.2% of the CO2 emitted globally in 2007”.

Seems like a solid idea, pick two problems and claim they’re connected. Perhaps next it’ll be Rhino extinction versus the Kardashians.

At least we’re better than Essex!

If reading this has made you nervous about your future don’t be nervous. Instead, be grateful once again you’re not studying at Essex. Our nearest rivals scored a pretty dismal 64.2 out of 100, coming in 68th.

It seems Derby Day wasn’t enough, they just can’t beat us.