What your course says about you this week

We can’t help what the cards say.

Law

This week sees your head up Uranus, as the Law star moves backwards in a meteor of assignments. It may feel like only you have work to do – more so than every single one of your housemates, and you definitely won’t be afraid to let them know about it! Because you do Law and Law is the hardest degree out of them all – even though you get twice the amount of university funding, double the printing credit and your own fancy ass library.

An irrelevant debate may arise when you go down to the pub this week – be careful not to have absolutely zero chill and slam your glass on the table like you are in court. Remember not everything is a legal issue. Romance may be on the cards for you this week if you stop threatening to sue people.

Sport & Sport Science 

Like most weeks, this week you will probably just feel sound. You are still a bit upset that this degree involves more than a kick about on the grass, but once you’re done pretending to know stuff about science, get ready to have a relaxing week.

Maybe get some beers in and play Fifa as part of your revision. Be careful not to let your POLY patriotism get in the way of your studies as you no doubt play sport as well as study it because after all,  #sportislife.

Art, Design & Photography

Your Instagram is on the rise this week. A surge in followers after you posted that edgy candid picture of yourself taking a picture (rad idea, by the way) will absolutely give you an excuse to slow down on all that printing and weed smoking and treat yourself to a cosy night in on Paint or whatever computer software it is that you guys use.

Don’t be afraid to expand your filter decisions to really show your fans how much hard work you’re doing down in the studio.

Engineering

You can probably guess this one. Yeah, this week, you’re another step closer to being extremely rich. Whatever.

English

Another long week deciding what you actually want to do with your life. What job involves never reading anything or looking at any letters, like, ever again? You’re sick of this shit. Grab a coffee. We know you love coffee. Don’t be afraid to Instagram it. Snapchat your essay whilst you’re at it. Let everyone know how bored of your course you are.

History

Ah yes, this week marks the anniversary of when Germany invaded France back in World War II. You won’t be surprised that nobody knows about it except you, but you will progress to tell them all about it anyway. Don’t be too angry when you are interrupted – perhaps consider the idea that they don’t actually care about WWII and that you like the sound of your own voice a bit too much.

Focus on the future instead of the past this week – challenge yourself to stop relating every situation back to a historic event. Romance may be on the cards with a Geography student – their laid-back attitude and easy degree in colouring will help you to loosen up.

Geography

This week is looking cloudy. Much like the rest of your future with that degree.

Science & Medicine

Ahhh, your fate is Cosmic this week. Because you know everything there is to know about chemicals and the biological body, you will no doubt be unashamed in popping a few pills at Ill Behaviour on Tuesday – you’re adamant it’s harmless, and if it’s not, you know you’re as smart as a real doctor and would be able to save yourself in an emergency – whilst giving every witness a running commentary of how this works and how that works bla bla bla.

Be careful not to get too cocky – remember, you may study Science, but you study it at Northumbria, so it doesn’t really count.

Maths & Finance

We get it, you’re clever. Be careful not to let your brain explode with knowledge this week.

Foreign Languages

This week you may find yourself planning another trip abroad – after all, you did this degree because you just want life to be a continuous holiday.  Romance may be in the stars for you – after all, you can kinda speak another language (*know how to order your drinks in another language). Remember to de-stress and be happy this week.

Your life is hard – you have to go abroad for a year (atrocious), sit at a desk doing nothing all day and having the holiday of a lifetime by night.  Boo-hoo. The rest of us will be here, doing work, enjoying  no sun.

Primary Ed

This week will take another year off your life expectancy thanks to more stress from the little kids you have to cope with. Put your feet up and focus on the real task at hand – the designing and making of that colouring book for your next assessment.

It’s no 3000 word essay, but you’re still adamant that you’re under more pressure than everyone else – which is kinda true but only because, as a primary school teacher, it’s only going to hit you when you graduate.

Business

Romance may be on the cards for you this week. Probably with someone on your course seeing as 90% of the uni study Business and 100% of Business students are all incest with each other in some way.

Acceptance is key, so this week, try harder to accept you’re never going to be the next Alan Sugar and remember that you only picked this course because you didn’t know what else to pick. You just wanted to go to uni and have a good time. And you are adamant that you will have a good time.

You will probably not go to any of your lectures, either.

Psychology

You’re going to spend another week getting into the brains of murderers and trying to understand their motives… that’s fine, but if that’s because you’re a secret serial killer, then don’t be afraid to kill us all so that we don’t have to do these degrees anymore.