How to pull on Yik Yak: A beginner’s guide

If your Yak gets downvoted to -5, your game is inadequate


Yik Yak,  the anonymous twitter that allows students to exchange shit chat and post witty comments to people within a certain radius.

Although directed at university students, anyone who is anyone uses it. Especially in Manchester where our game is particularly strong.

Before I began my journey to find the love of my life, research was imperative. I had to ensure I didn’t violate the T&Cs; no bullying, no porn, and no spam goes without saying. I also didn’t want to make anyone cry or receive an injunction for a restraining order.

With Yik Yak banning the posting of phone numbers, street addresses and other personal information it was always going to be a mission to seal the deal with the potential girl of my dreams.

As regular Yakkers will know, popularity is everything. A Yak is like rating out of 10. If you’re seeing consistent up votes of around 35-45 then people will think you’re an average 6.5/10. If you keep getting below that, you should probably just quit now. Anything above that and this could quite possibly lead to an anonymous hook up.

I am known for my shit chat,  so it wasn’t a surprise when I initially struggled to get an opportunistic response:

Oh

If I really wanted to get somewhere, I had to fix up my chat. So I asked a few of my mates for their advice.

After 30 minutes of getting the piss taken out of me, I finally received some pretty solid stuff. Apparently girls love a man who cares about others and looks out for them, so this is what I had to do to seal the deal.


I’m in. Got quite a decent score and people were finally replying. Despite the fact that I definitely don’t have a younger sister and I will never in my life look like a “hard nut”, this was going surprisingly well.

 

Blinded by the glory of the fact that someone regarded me as “sweet”, I panicked and went straight in for the kill.

I’m sure that a little more exchanging of words would have strengthened our newfound bond, but life is too short and adrenaline was running through my veins.

This cannot be.

I was as buzzed as a first year at Pangaea. I felt like I hit a 12 kill streak with my eyes closed. Before I could make my next move, a fag was in order to calm me down.

Soon afterwards the Snapchat username had been posted. Suddenly all hell broke loose. Frantically trying to scribble down the username before it was removed mimicked the feeling I had the week before when I was trying to get my head around TurnItIn ten minutes before my deadline.

As I was waiting for her to accept, I felt like a god. SHE even made the first move by sending the first snap. As my finger hovered over to open it, my mind was racing thinking that this could be my first glimpse of the girl of my dreams.

Oh. As it turns out, it wasn’t.

At this point I realised I was never going to pull, not on Yik Yak anyway.

I wanted to try one last time however, as I’m having no luck in real life recently, and had nothing to lose. It was time to go full on desperate.

Tragic

So, to conclude, is it possible to pull on Yik Yak?

Probably not.