The £5 cash point on campus is the gift that keeps on giving

£5 cash me outside


It’s the beacon of all that is good in the world. It’s there for you when no one else was. When you thought the end was near, it comes out of nowhere and brings eternal happiness into your life. I present to you… The £5 cash point next to Tesco Express near the Metropolitan Cathedral. The answer to all your problems.

Sometimes in life you don’t need a tenner, or if you’re at the Sainsbury’s next to the Bombed out Church, a fucking £20 note when it’s (always) broken. A fiver is all you need to control your spending. Whether you’re buying a meal deal from Tesco or a sandwich from Subway, which are both so conveniently located right next to the cash point, this cash point is a god send.

You use most cash points expecting to only be given the lowest option of a tenner. Oh no, not this living angel. For for those of you who piss all their money away on contactless, if you only get a fiver out, you definitely won’t spend any more. The cash point has got you covered.

I’ve never loved an inanimate object more

It’s even better when you’re absolutely wankered in the taxi going into town from Smithdown and Toby doesn’t have any cash for Mr taxi driver. Just ask the driver to stop by, Toby rushes out for that fiver and gets back in no time, still having enough for 2 shots at Cava once you’re out the car. The dream.

Yes, there may be a long queue every time you go. Yes, people are constantly barging past you as there is very little pavement space. And yes, it’s a trek to go to in comparison to other cash points like the Guild or Santander. But it’s oh so worth it. Not only do you get to appreciate the joy of being given a gorgeous *new* five pound note, you get the satisfaction of knowing that you’ll be pissing vegans off everywhere. What can possibly be worse?

dolla make me holla

It’s 2017; the world is a grim and depressing place. £5 cash points are a rarity but their existence brightens up even the bleakest of days. Long may this continue.

Yes, there may be a long queue every time you go. Yes, people are constantly barging past you as there is very little pavement space. And yes, it’s a trek to go to in comparison to other cash points like the Guild or Santander. But it’s oh so worth it. Not only do you get to appreciate the joy of being given a gorgeous *new* five pound note, you get the satisfaction of knowing that you’ll be pissing vegans off everywhere. What can possibly be worse?

It’s 2017; the world is a grim and depressing place. £5 cash points are a rarity but their existence brightens up even the bleakest of days. Long may this continue.

The GOAT dispense