The struggles of dating a cat obsessed person

It’s a classic uni love story, you had one too many double vodkas, your eyes met across the room like two star gazed lovers and one thing leads to another. Despite this categorically unromantic start to the relationship, things are going well, you went on a proper date (Nando’s, but still) and you even kept it together over summer and did the awkward meeting of the parents. You’re starting to believe your auntie Jackie was right when she told you everyone meets the person they’re meant to be with at uni.

Then something changes, something worrying. At first it was okay, kind of cute in some ways. Then, the situation developed and it got a bit intense. You begin to realise it was becoming a constant distraction, it was unhealthy: your new bae has an addiction.

Cute, but that important?

The cat, the furry four legged creature which most normal people just passively accept. However, a rare few have this weird emotional connection to their cat, and if you’re dating one of these special beings, it’s a problem for you for a number of reasons.

You have to pretend to appreciate constant pictures and videos of the cat:

First of all there’s the obsessive need for a reply. They can’t accept the fact that when you’re sent a picture of the cat it doesn’t fill you with a kind of euphoric joy that will take over your day:  ‘Yes, I know you have used Snapchat to put dog ears on Whiskers’ face now but I’m really trying to write my dissertation.’

You can’t reveal the fact you think dogs are clearly the superior animal in every way: 

We all know it…the cat is simply a poor man’s dog. It’s essentially the step up from a goldfish or an African land snail.

She shows you things she want to buy for the cat and you have to not reveal that you think it’s a clear waste of money:

Being a student is hard, you’ve got a lot to pay for and working twelve hours a week at Topshop doesn’t make you a millionaire. Yet somehow buying things for the cat is a necessary expenditure. You have to explain that you don’t think spending £20 on that sparkly cat collar is a waste of money when she’s already £600 in her overdraft.

Look Tom, this cat bed is in the shape of a castle! It’s only £70, Tabby would love it!

You have to convince yourself that their emotional connection their cat is normal:

‘No of course I don’t think it’s strange that you’re spending 4 and a half hours on a train back to home to Surrey for the weekend because you really miss your cat.’

You have to be emotionally invested when the cat gets sick

You’ve got a lot on your plate at the minute. Deadlines are looming, exams are coming up and you’re trying to maintain a social life. But don’t be in doubt that if the cat gets ill, your world will stop turning. You must drop everything to comfort your cat obsessed lover.

You can’t be weirded out by the fact they talk to their cat

You’ve gone to see your girlfriend, you’re having a chat with her, things are nice. The cat jumps on the sofa next to you and your conversation abruptly ends: ‘HELLO TIGGER. AREN’T YOU SO CUTE!? YES YOU ARE, YES YOU ARE’. It’s annoying enough when your mum does it to a random baby in the supermarket.

No, it’s not remotely weird that your cat is your desktop background

You begin to think her love for the cat outweighs her love for you

You get chucked off the sofa because ‘that’s where the cat sits’, she’ll prefer staying at hers than yours because the cats there, her cat probably features on her social media profiles more than you.

None of this is okay and to be honest, it makes you feel a bit inadequate.