An ode to slow walkers

Roses are red, violets are blue,

If you like to dawdle, well then fuck you.

Simple annoyances are apart of life: one side of your headphones stops working; you accidentally rip a page in your favourite book; you drop your mug of coffee on the floor. The list is endless really. However, there is one thing that irritates me more than most things: people who walk really slowly.

Everyone must have experienced this at some point, and even the slow walkers themselves have probably been stuck behind someone else. But when you’ve got a 9am that you can’t be late for and you’re trapped behind not only an ancient tortoise incarnate but someone so oblivious that they also encompass the entire pavement. Not only do you have to suffer, but you have to attempt to keep some semblance of calm and pretend that your blood isn’t boiling under your skin in frustration.

It’s even worse when the gaggle decides to link arms. No amount of dodging and weaving is going to get you past that unless you dive underneath. It’s baffling really, why they would consider linking in a row of three or four when at the best of times it’s incredibly impractical, let alone in a busy city swarming with people. They’re likely students themselves – how do they have the time to lag behind and wander aimlessly?

I suppose, more than anything, it’s that being so unconscious of your surroundings that it’s an inconvenience for other people is rude. If you naturally walk slowly, that’s fine, then just be aware that there are others around you that need to get past and can’t stand it when you don’t acknowledge that you’re an obstruction that can easily move.

All in all, if someone walks that slowly in front of me that I have to slow down to match theirs, or a flock of them obstruct the pavement so that I can’t sidestep around you, I hate you and you manage to ruin my day every single time. Pick up the pace or move aside because my tolerance is waning.