All the reasons why going out is the most overrated thing ever

“Shitty DJ’s, bad music, expensive drinks, and a tiny smoke machine in the corner actually all makes for a pretty shit night”

We are the generation that has finally realised that staying in is SO much better than going out. With Netflix, Deliveroo, and literally anything you could ever dream of wanting only a click and 24 hours away, why would we need to go out anywhere? Thankfully, this mentality has translated into our clubbing habits as well because, let’s face it, clubbing is pretty shit. But for those of you who are stubbornly stuck in your ways, let me explain just why clubbing is so awful.

It’s always so noisy

But not a good noisy. It’s always the same shitty music every week: Justin Bieber’s “Sorry”, followed by something by Drake, and sprinkled with Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” and TayTay’s “Shake It Off”. You can’t have any form of conversation, so the only thing to do is sing along for the 80th time and tirelessly roll your eyes until it’s all over.

The drinks are ridiculously expensive, and you just end up wearing it anyway

I have never been to a club, bought a drink, and managed to finish the whole entire thing – unless it’s a shot or I down it at the bar. It always, always ends up down the probably brand new clothes I bought for this specific occasion, and I’ll never get to wear again because it’s now stained with orange VK. But please, tell me again why going out is just the best thing ever?

It’s literally so boring

From the minute you leave your front door to get in the taxi, the night is over. You pay 20 quid for a £3 journey, spend nearly an hour in the queue, sobering up and losing all feeling in your feet in the process, only to finally get in the club and realising that shitty DJ’s, bad music, expensive drinks, and a tiny smoke machine in the corner actually all makes for a pretty shit night. You won’t like the music, but it’s so loud you can’t even moan about this to your mates, so you just shuffle about on your feet, counting down the minutes until you can go home.

There is no easy access to food

The absolute best part of getting drunk is the food. Literally whatever you eat when you’re drunk tastes amazing, even if you will wake up massively regretting it the next day. At house parties, this food is available to you whenever. You can get it delivered to your door within 20 minutes, and continue partying with pizza in your hand. The literal definition of heaven. In clubs, you get none of this luxury. If you want food, you’re gonna have to wait until everyone’s ready to leave, then spend 20 minutes arguing about where you want to go, only to get a taxi back and give up on the whole process anyway. Getting drunk food on your way back from the club is a feat only a few are lucky enough to accomplish.

Guys will try to grope you

I have never been groped at a house party. Yes, people will probably say I’m lucky for this, but the only thing “lucky” is that my guy friends know that it is totally, 100% unacceptable to touch any part of a woman’s body with her permission. Guys in clubs apparently do not have this same forethought. To them, if you’re in a club and you’re wearing anything that shows off even the tiniest bit of skin, then you’re fair game. Never mind whether you want it or not. It’s an accepted part of clubbing, and although that doesn’t make it right, it is something the majority of girls experience every time they go out. Forgive me if I’d rather stay at a house party with a group of people who will actually respect me.

Girls will get drunk and start crying

Sure, this happens at house parties/pre drinks / basically anywhere girls have access to vodka, but at least in these places you’re likely to have an escape route, or a friend you can easily dump them with, or a bed to leave them in. In a club you’re stuck, well and truly, in a heaving mass of people that’s difficult enough to get out of by yourself, let alone with a drunk girl crying on your shoulder.

There’s always a fight

Always. Seriously, try and think of a night out where there wasn’t at least one fight. I bet you can’t.

The toilets are, quite frankly, disgusting

Your toilet at home is not. Even if you can get over everything else, no one can pretend that they wouldn’t rather stay at a house party with easy access to a toilet that you know has been cleaned at the very least within the last couple of weeks. And you know there will always be toilet roll.

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