Confessions: What would you say to your ex if you got the chance?

“I just wanted to be friends with your dad”


Everyone has at least one heart-wrenching break up in their lives. It’s almost like it’s a bitter, cruel rite of passage into adulthood. But a lot of the time, it’s very difficult to get closure. You spend months wallowing, questions running through your head, always thinking “what if”. What if they didn’t move 200 miles away? What if he hadn’t cheated on me with my best friend? What if she wasn’t a complete psycho who burned all my clothes and broke my Xbox? Well, we asked you guys exactly what you would say if you ever got the chance to confront your ex, and here’s what you told us:

Chelsea

Thanks for putting me down, because now I’m more successful than you it feels even better.

Amelia

It’s a shame that we broke up – we were so great together. But you broke my heart. If I’ve learnt anything from our relationship, it’s that I don’t deserve to feel like I’m not good enough, because you made me feel so worthless. You broke up with me because you said you didn’t have enough time for our relationship. It absolutely broke me. What made the whole thing worse was finding out that you were seeing two other girls at the same time as seeing me. All those times you were busy, making me feel like I didn’t matter, you were just busy fucking someone else. I can never forgive you for that. For a while, I said to myself, he will grow up one day and learn that it’s not okay to treat people like that, but honestly, I don’t think it’s anything to do with your age. You just need to become a less selfish person. I don’t hate you, I just want you to learn from how you treated me, and understand that it’s absolutely not okay to treat women (or anyone for that matter) the way you treated me.

Ben

Sorry for being as arsehole.

Paige

New phone, who dis?

Dan

Your purple hair was a stupid idea.

Elise

Granted we weren’t even much of a thing, and realistically I can only presume that I started seeing you as a result of some sort of undiagnosed brain aneurism or as a result of “eternally single Bridget Jones syndrome” which caused my standards to momentarily plummet. But let’s cut to a very drunk night out, in which my blood sugar was now almost entirely comprised of alcohol or sugar as a result of pint sized cocktails. This was, according to you, the prime time to discuss the ending of our ill-advised relationship, to which all of my friends and work colleagues witnessed. The feeling to end the relationship was very much mutual, but my brain function had hit dangerously low levels, and the next day I remembered very little from the night before. This then led to an entire week of me being completely unaware that I had, in fact, been dumped. It was only when I asked you if you wanted to finish the film we had gotten halfway through, and you replied that no, that would be “too weird” and that you had plans that night with another girl that I was hit with flashbacks, and came to the realisation that you, along with all of my pals, had witnessed me spending a week acting like a total crazy person, refusing to accept being dumped. Thus I now plead, to you and to all the men and women of this world: don’t break up with someone when you know they’re too drunk to remember it the next day.

Jordan

I just wanted to be friends with your Dad.

Danielle

I hated how skinny your jeans were. No boy should have jeans skinnier than their girlfriend’s.

Fran

My mum told me if you didn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. So I would keep my pretty lips shut.

Sophie

Glad you loved winning so much that you even beat me to breaking up with you! Shame it seems as though I’ve won the breakup overall though, as you’ve gotten fat and I’ve gotten happy!

Cass

Yes, I noticed when you liked and unliked that photo of us from 28 weeks ago. No, you’re not over me. Yes, I miss your mum. That time we went to Berlin together, you were a total moody bitch and I want my money back. When you were on top in bed and you tried that position you thought was great, yeah that really hurt my dick. Getting with six sweaty freshers in Fruity last week doesn’t make me want you back – especially when it gets to 4am and I find you in Crispy’s crying about how you loved our weekend in Berlin. You only really liked me because of my pink tie on a Wednesday night so give it a break; Pippa is getting tired of your psycho messages. She’s on track for a first and gives fantastic head, you’re scraping a 2.2 in your BA and sometimes my dick still hurts. We can be friends when you grow up, it’s been seven months for Mischief sake.