A relationship expert explains why women are so put off by nice guys
Why am I like this
We’ve all dated a nice guy. The one who surprises you with flowers, tells you how much he’s into you and that he “hates playing games.” On paper he’s perfect, your friends are rooting for him, your mum loves him and as much as you really, really want to like him you just can’t. We’re all guilty of it, and feel awful for being turned off by every nice thing he does – but why do we do it? We asked relationship expert Lissa Coffey if women are actually put off by nice guys.
Lissa Coffey- Lifestyle, Relationship and Wellness Expert
Why do women seem to be put off by nice guys?
I think many women have had so many bad experiences with men that they don’t trust them at first. They have their guard up and are waiting for that other shoe to drop. It’s that saying “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.” They’re suspicious! But REAL nice guys are sincere and show it and will gain a woman’s trust.
Is it true that “nice guys finish last” in terms of relationships?
Not at all! They’re the ones who get the girl for good. Bad boys might get the immediate attention – but they’re not who women want to settle down with in the long run. We crave stability, emotional and otherwise.
What is it that women find so off-putting about nice guys?
I think this is more the “it’s not you it’s me” conversation. Women who have been hurt might not feel they deserve a nice guy. They think “why does he want me?” – “what is he after?” But for the most part, I don’t think women find nice guys off-putting at all – they find nice guys refreshing and attractive!
Is it similar for guys? Are they put off by women being too nice, or the opposite?
With guys, they don’t want to hurt a nice girl. So they might hurt her first so that they don’t get too close to her if they’re not looking for a relationship. Guys don’t want to have to apologise for their own bad behaviour. If a bad girl comes along and they just want a one night stand, then that works for them.