Things you’ll only know if you’re a Southerner at uni in the North

The north-south divide is a very big thing at uni: the Midlands doesn’t exist, just pick a side. Once you do pick a side, you’ll start to realise all the things that come with that. You’ll suddenly be judged on how much you drink, the way you speak, and whether it’s “breakfast, lunch, dinner” or “breakfast, dinner, tea” (it’s the first one. If you say it any other way you’re wrong). Basically, the north and south are two very different places, and moving to uni in the north if you’re a Southerner makes you realise that a whole lot of people like to chat on the train, and most people can have more than two drinks and not pass out. Who knew?

Your friends will think you’re really posh

Whether you would consider yourself to be upper, middle or lower class back home, up north your RP accent is enough to make your new flatmates think you regularly have tea with the Queen. HA, we wish. Be prepared for endless nights out with your friends going, “Come listen to how my flatmate says ‘France’” to literally anyone who listen. It’s hilarious, apparently. The posh accent does come in handy occasionally though. Whenever you’re asked a question in your seminar, whether you know what you’re talking about or not it doesn’t matter: once they hear that sweet-sounding Queen’s English flow from your mouth they’re going to agree with you, no matter what you said.

Two days in and you’ll resort to telling everyone you’re from ‘near London’ and just leave it at that

No one knows where Wootton is, or Kempston, or Hemel Hempstead, or Houghton Conquest. They all just sound like posh, middle-class villages full of old people and trust fund kids. Which, to be fair, they are, but by now the person you’re talking to has written you off as a posh twat and is no longer listening. You have one or two attempts at mentioning your nearby town, but unless you’re near Milton Keynes, ‘the place with all the roundabouts?’ it’s a hopeless task. You inevitably give up and say you’re “near London.” It’s easier that way.

You will never get used to people talking to you on the train/bus/basically anywhere you’re sat waiting for more than five minutes

People are so friendly in the north, but for a southerner, being spoken to on any form of public transport, or in a waiting room or anything like that just screams “danger”. If someone did that in the south, and you’d quickly move very far away from them, or sometimes even get off at the next stop and wait to catch the next train/bus. You will never get rid of the bubbling sense of anxiety when someone starts talking to you, but you will learn to accept that it’s going to happen. 

Train journeys home suddenly cost more your rent, so prepare to be an orphan for the next three years

Moving five hours away from home was all fun and games at first, but six weeks in and you’re starting to miss home comforts and your dog, you’ll start regretting your decision. When it suddenly costs more than your monthly food shop just to go home for two days, you realise it’s probably not worth it. Just invite your parents up to see you instead.

It all seems worth it when your dog comes to visit

The views will never cease to amaze you

Sure, there’s some massive cities in the North: Manchester, Leeds, Liverpool, etc. But there’s also some incredible scenery. You might be able to see a field from your bedroom window back home, but it’s nothing like seeing the rolling hills of the Peak District. Everything will seem so drab at home in comparison.

You will learn to love gravy on literally anything you eat. Well, you’ll pretend to.

At the very least you’ll stop making comments about how disgusting it is every time you see your Northerner friends drowning their chips/pizza/super noodles (yes this did actually happen once) in gravy.

You will always be the lightweight of the group

Going from £5 drinks to £1.50 drinks on a night out is something that takes some getting used to – for your wallet and your liver. Suddenly a tenner stretches much further, and you get much drunker than you could ever afford to back home. Just accept that this comes with the appropriate roasting the morning after about how much of a lightweight you are. Northerner’s will never understand that we can’t hold our drink, because it’s just too damn expensive in the south. 

You will become very defensive of your home town, and of the South in general

Your home town is probably shit, and there’s no denying that the night life, social life, and pretty much everything about uni is better than at home. That doesn’t stop you getting ridiculously defensive about it though. You can slag it off all you want, that’s your right, you live there, you know first-hand how crap it is. The same goes for the south in general.  Northerners might try to tell you the south is shit because everyone’s rude and the drinks are so expensive and “London isn’t even that great” because we all know the only thing in the south is bloody London (it’s not), but you will defend that place with your life, and friendships will be lost. Just accept this, and try and find a few southerner friends to back you up. 

You will annoy everyone with how excited you get about snow

Especially if it’s at a time when it’s not supposed to snow. Like November. Or April.  The south doesn’t get much snow, and if it does it’s a thin trickle that barely covers your windowsill. It’s exciting stuff guys, stop being so boring.

You don’t understand why people don’t know what Hazard Alley is

Hazard Alley was quite possibly the best school trip there was, spending your day getting trapped in a fake fire (not that that stopped you from getting actually quite scared), and learning about the recovery position. There’s also a really morbid video about a woman dying because some kids have vandalised a phone box and she can’t ring 999. Nice. Regardless, it was the best trip out for a 10 year old, and you’ll be left wondering what could possibly have gone on in northern schools that could be better than that.