I’m gutted life is so boring now I’ve finished my exams

All my friends are finishing exams, and I’ve got FOMO, but not the type you might typically expect. What I’m about to say verges on blasphemy. Call me sadistic or deranged, but I’m gutted that my exams over.

I know its wrong, perhaps even perverse and I’m as confused as you are. But before you conclude that I must be one of those intolerable dweebs, you know, the type who used to complain to the teacher in school about not getting enough homework, take a moment to hear me out.

Firstly, lets be honest, finishing exams is a monumental anti-climax.You spend all those hours in the library fantasising about life after exams – the glorious freedom, the long-anticipated return to normality. And sure, slamming your pen down and handing in that final paper can feel pretty good.

But after those initial few days spent laying motionless on the couch “recovering”, as though you’ve recently returned from fighting a war in Afghanistan, the all-consuming boredom begins to set in. Suddenly it hits you like a bolt from the blue, the devastating realisation that your post-exam existence has absolutely no meaning, no purpose. You are nothing.

The classic post-library comedown

You begin to yearn for the mindless monotony of the library. Of course we all pretend that we hate the library and that we’d rather be doing literally anything else, but to paraphrase an inexplicably popular Clean Bandit song, there’s no place I’d rather be.

This beauty

The library is a magical place. Where else can you find the same community spirit, the camaraderie, the tacit acknowledgement that when it comes to exam stress, we’re all truly in this together?

Where else do you form lasting connections with strangers over a shared hatred of that total bastard in the corner who’s “Deep House” revision playlist is blaring through his headphones? You know somebody will tell him to turn the volume down eventually, but it sure as hell wont be you. Or a mutual loathing for the super-PDA couple who come to the library for the sole purpose of reminding you that the only thing more tragic than your enormous workload is your hopeless love-life.

But the library can also provide the perfect backdrop for romance. Like the time you bumped into your library girlfriend on the way to filling up your water bottle and asked her when her next exam is, even though you’ve already memorised her entire timetable from when you asked her the same question yesterday, and the day before that. Sure it might seem like a trivial exchange between two virtual strangers, but in this alternate reality that is the library, you’re basically Romeo and Juliet.

MIssing the library boyfriend

During exam season, you have no responsibilities, no obligations, you don’t have to take no shit from no one. When your housemate tells you to clean the mess you left in the kitchen, you can tell them you’d love to but you really ought to get to the library. When your girlfriend complains that you smell like you haven’t showered in a week, you can gently remind them that personal hygiene is a luxury reserved for those without the pressure of looming coursework deadlines. You can literally bail on anything, or anyone, under the pretext of exam stress, and no gets to accuse you of being a douchebag.

“Wanna get another coffee mate? I haven’t had one in 10 minutes”

I know I’m not the only one with a secret fondness for exams. Nottingham Second year Adam agrees when exams are over, he yearns for the next revision period:

“I’m not a social person” Adam says coyly, “Being forced out by my housemates to edgy day-time terrace parties is like being thrown back into communal dining in halls, so many people I have to acknowledge, yet I couldn’t give two shits about any of them. Get me back to my books and viral YouTube videos.”

Adam mourning the end of exams

Leeds University History student Alex agrees: “Procrastination is nowhere near as fulfilling when I don’t have the thrill of impending exams to contend with.”

So if you’re reading this while on the post-exam lash with the boys, yelling “FREEDOM!” like you’re Mel Gibson in Braveheart, pause for a short moment to consider that perhaps its all a bit overrated.

When the inevitable post-exam hangover sets in, and the library revision routine is no longer an option, you’ll be left with that lingering existential question – “What the hell do I do now?”