GKTRFC: Meet the men’s GKT Rugby Team aiming high at Macadam 2017

A full tour of the Guy’s Hospital Rugby Macadam Squad is at your service

| UPDATED

Ah Macadam, the time of year where the biggest rivalry since Tupac vs Biggie, Real vs Barca and Mide Ololade vs his chronic lack of game/chat/athleticism [delete as appropriate] comes to the fore.

The pressure’s been building for both sides of the university and in an attempt to defuse the palpable tension comes this “light-hearted introduction to Guy’s Hospital Rugby Club” (Chris Kamara – Sky Sports News).

Freddie Green

Position: Prop

Course: Medicine

Year: 3rd

Pubs forced to close down after he cleaned out their quiz machine:

A) 1 B) 2 C) 3 D) This isn’t funny

Number of chip and chases attempted on Wednesday: 3

Ben Ridley (VC)

Position: Hooker

Course: Medicine

Year: Intercalating

Team talk style: See film – “The King’s Speech”

Detrusor control: He financed the CEO of Tena Man’s holiday home

Calum Luke

Position: Prop/Utility Back

Course: Medicine

Year: Intercalating

Relationship with the Guy’s Bar bouncers: Symbiotic*

GHRFC Media Involvement: Why is Mide Ololade up at 12 midnight writing these profiles?

*They’d be out of a job without him, he’d be in hospital without them

Christian Burgess

Position: Lock

Course: History

Year: 3rd


Children: 1 (check his insta, she’s adorable)

Paternity tests required: 1 (see the above explanation)*

*Whilst he may not have written anything else, I can confirm Calum Luke was responsible for this profile and this profile only.

George Vaughan

Position: Blindside Flanker

Course: Medicine

Year: 3rd

Political ideology: Henry Poon tells him to think of the poor

Celebrity Crush: Theresa May

Hopes for Post-Macadam: Someone to make his soft Brexit a little harder

Tom Francis (C)

Position: Open-side Flanker

Course: Stem Cell Research (PhD)

Year: We’ve stopped counting now

First year halls: Waupun Correctional Institution

Loves: Rugby so much, he plans to do another degree after this

Jack Lilly D’Cruz

Position: Number 8

Course: Medicine

Year: 4

Ethnicity: Ambiguous

Tackling legality: See above

Ben Murphy

Position: Scrum – half

Course: Medicine

Year: 2

Favoured holiday destination: The Watford Gap

Loves: Beers, Boys, Betting Bo Brotection Brom the Borward

Josh Brown

Course: Biomedical Sciences

Position: Fly – Half

Year: 3

Post-degree hopes: A coach who’ll finally entrust him at tight-head

Loves: Being told what to do

Hates: Stealing girlfriends

Tom Crisp

Position: Winger

Course: Medicine

Year: 5

Style of play: The “James Milner” to Sparks’ “Nathaniel Clyne”

Loves: Stealing Girlfriends (You can tell a lot of thought has been put into these)

#Workhorse #IndustrialPace

Richard Hall

Position: Inside Centre

Course: Medicine

Year: 4

Haircut: “you could set your watch to” (google the quote, you’ll thank me for it)

Favourite pastime: Yak feeding

Cassius Deschamps

Position: Outside Centre

Course: Physiotherapy

Year: 1st

Hobbies: Trying to kill Bart Simpson

Franco-Welsh relations: Sexual

Franco-KCL relations: Awkward

David Sparkhall

Position: Winger

Course: Medicine

Year: 5

Number of Shrek Films featured in: 2

Number of women lost to Shrek: 1

Post-medical career hopes: Returning to co-host the Paralympics

James Kemp

Position: Full-Back

Course: Ancient History

Year: 2

Team supported: Crystal Palace

Team coaches vandalised: Crystal Palace

Marco Marcello

Position: Utility Back

Course: Medicine

Year: 3rd

Girlfriend: Mrs Potato Head

Nights out in Oxford: Loose

Glenohumeral Joint: Looser

Keir Smith

Position: Utility forward

Course: History

Year: 3rd

Favourite food: Steamed Hams #nutrition

Most likely place to spend post-macadam: In a VK – hole

Samir Zaman

Position: Second Row

Course: Medicine

Year: 4th


Charitable endeavours: Too many to count

Freshers deserted on a cold, snowing mountain: See above

Jack Kingdon

Position: Back Row

Course: Medicine

Year: 4th

Better looking Kingdon (His words): Fred

Better playing Kingdon (His words): Fred

Henry Poon

Position: Numero Ocho

Course: Medicine

Year: 2nd

Tackles broken per season: ∞

Tackles made per season:

Flynn Griffith

Position: Fullback. He only wants to play fullback.

Course: Medicine

Year: 2nd

Taste in music: Tech-nobodies listening mate

Jawline: So sharp, Jen has to wear protection anytime they kiss

Gary Chan

Position: Winger

Course: Physiotherapy

Year: 2

Voice: just angelic, you might even say it’s Changelic (I’m handing in my P45 as we speak)

Size of quads: Gichan Gigantic

Irish-Welsh Relations: (See Cassius Deschamps)

Al Macfarlane

Position: Utility Back

Course: Medicine

Year: 5

Forearm strength: just wait for the customary hand-off

Fashion strength: He made a deal with the devil to receive his forearm strength

The match takes place Wednesday 29th March, at Honour Oak Park Sports Ground. No tickets required, just appear at 2pm!