What works better on Tinder: Arctic Monkeys vs Jane Austen

The internet as a way to find love is a very strange medium that only works once in a while. Few and far in between are successful and in the mean time, the amount of creeps willingly sharing pics of their dick is tiresome. To make up for this, me and my pal decided to prepare our knowledge of Alex Turner and Jane Austen to determine who would be the reigning queen of chat up lines; either wooing the boys with social intercourse or hair gel.

Arctic Monkeys

The monkeys win with a straight punch, but the cheeky bugger couldn’t think of enough synonyms for cock.

Arctic Monkeys

Eloquent lyrics versus single letters, the monkeys hit the back of the net to go 2-0.

Jane Austen

A compliment turned into a declaration of love, but he couldn’t take it. That emoji says it all. 2-0

Arctic Monkeys

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, chat up line for chat up line. A hat-trick for Turner’s English degree, 3-0

Jane Austen

A simple declaration of love is definitely appreciated. Austen fights back with 3-1

Jane Austen

Austen’s high standards prove to be an amazing human right. 3-2

 Arctic Monkeys

A mistake on both ends leads to love. This set the tone for the conversation and then led to something really stalkery involving his location. 4-2

Jane Austen

Oh dear oh dear. He knew the beginning lines of Pride & Prejudice, but doesn’t get the irony. Why is it so hard to find a boy who can understand??

Arctic Monkeys

“Still Take You Home” from the Monkeys’ first album struck home in making the guy panic. 5 – 3

Jane Austen

It was all going fine. It really was. But that was just… I mean really???

In conclusion, Alex Turner and his smooth bandmates are much better at winding up the gears of love than Austen and her traditional methods of getting a husband.