Why we should scrap the national anthem at graduation

Last week Mahamed Abdullahi, the Vicep President for Welfare and Community at King’s College London, called for the national anthem to be scrapped at graduation ceremonies. The Facebook post, which has since garnered national interest from The Telegraph, The Evening Standard and The Daily Mail, cited numerous reasons for the scrapping of God Save The Queen including it being “outdated”, a symbol of “far Right nationalism” and “just a bit shit”. He went on to argue that the national anthem isn’t reflective of the international status that KCL market themselves to be and, on top of all of that, “it doesn’t even bang”.

In lengthy Facebook arguments and the comments section of Daily Mail articles, the words of Mahamed Abdullahi have been dissected and analysed within an inch of their life. The degree to which the national anthem can be considered a symbol of far-right nationalism have been, generally successfully contested, King’s College London’s international marketing techniques have been questioned and the commenters of the Daily Mail have, once again, proved themselves to be beacons of liberal tolerance. One thing that hasn’t been considered, however, are the numerous other reasons that God Save The Queen should be removed from graduation ceremonies and left at home with your semi-racist extended family that insist on making you stand up for the entirety of the Queen’s speech every Christmas.

So, without further ado, let’s jump into a comprehensive list of reasons why the national anthem should be scrapped at graduation ceremonies.

Does Anyone actually know all of the words?

It has four verses. Four. I’ll admit it, I’m only in second year. I’ve never been to a graduation ceremony – I have no idea what happens but, unless they wheel out a little projector like how they used to in junior school, I’m not going to be able to get past the first verse.

Remember when you were in school and somebody had a birthday so the teacher would get everyone to sing ‘Happy Birthday’? Remember that crucial part of the song that has the kid’s name in it? Remember that feeling of dread as you realise that you had no idea what the kid is called? Remember the feeling in the air as everyone in the room collectively realised that they had no fucking clue what this poor kid was called? Imagine that, only worse. Imagine that exact same feeling except now you’re in a massive hall with thousands of people around you. Thousands of people and their families. Their parents, their brothers, their sisters, their extended families all getting to the end of the first verse of God Save The Queen and realising nobody, aside from the semi-racist extended families, know the rest of the words. The familiar collective murmur of poor Timmy’s 7-year-old birthday come hurtling back as you try to bumble your way through the remaining three verses, desperately trying to call upon any colonialist language you remember from that one module you did at the end of first year that might just get you by. 

Scrapping the national anthem will instantly piss off every Daily Mail commenter that has ever existed

And isn’t that the only reason we really need? I mean, just look at some of them:

It is difficult to argue with Joey Tribbiani tbf.

Just your standard accommodating, liberal comment left by someone named after that famous all white pop group.

AND DO IT ALL IN CAPS LOCK. YOURS SINCERELY, biffsmiff

If I can’t be arsed to learn my own national anthem,why should I expect anyone else to? 

I honestly didn’t realise there was more than one verse before I sat down to write this and I will give one English pound to each. Did anyone else? Let me know.

“It doesn’t even bang”

Of all the reasons given by Mahamed Abdullahi to scrap the national anthem, this one I feel we can all get behind because to be fair, it doesn’t bang. If Now that’s what I call Music existed in the seventeenth century, I doubt it would have made the cut and it’s not even like Now that’s what I call Music is an exclusive club, Craig David is featured on the latest one… Twice.

The Queen even looks bored when people sing it to her.

Is the national anthem outdated? Should a university like King’s that literally has the monarchy in their title update their traditions to reflect a highly international student body (maybe with a Craig David song? Idk apparently he’s popular now?) Or, alternatively, do you not give a flying fuck what a group of  21-year-olds in fancy looking, overpriced dressing gowns sing while they get given bits of paper? Vote below and maybe, if you’re lucky, we’ll publish the results.