Christmas present ideas from Donald Trump’s official online shop

Let’s make Christmas great again

Unsure what to get the fam for Christmas? Low on inspiration from John Lewis’s recent ad? Well look no further, because there’s something for everyone on Trump’s online gift store.

Here’s just a few ideas of what you can purchase for a great price.

Why not show your girlfriend how much you love her this Christmas?

In these bright pink, “very form fitting shirts”, your girl’s boobs can do all the talking so her mouth doesn’t have to. Also great if you don’t know how to break up with her, this might just do the trick.

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Get your gran to hear you loud and clear when you demand the gravy from across the table, with these Mini Megaphones

You know how your deaf granddad can never hear you remind him how old you are? Well, now he can! And when your racist aunt has had too much sherry, she can now voice all her unwanted opinions across the table with ease. This is also great addition for you and your best mate, who can now belt out Mariah Carey’s Christmas anthem and drown out the haters.

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Pimp out the family Christmas Tree

Just like 50 Cent, who proved ostentatiousness is power, show up all your window-shopping friends with this “Collectible Ornament”of the hat that won the US election. Finished with 14 karat gold, it’s only $149 freedom dollars.

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One for your mate who does Hispanic Studies

Hey look, you know what that means! Why not show off your cultural wisdom to your amigos this Christmas with this cute little stocking filler. The badge to “show your commitment to vote for Trump 2016 anywhere you go”, comes in a “set of two identical buttons” – it’s so good, they made it twice.

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Forget the ugly Christmas jumper this year, how about a t-shirt with a hashtag on it?

Swap the itchy cotton for a “durable rib neckband”. A “powerful statement tee” that “speaks volumes” year after year and it still won’t rip, even if you try…

Don’t forget your paw pals!

“Even our canine friends know Trump is who we need to Make American Great Again”. For those whose dog walks them, why not make your little friend the centre of attention with this Raglan. It’s even”cut to avoid doggie mess”, so your dog can freely shit on the world with absolutely no repercussions.

Get your mum a Trump Campaign window cling

Give her something nice to look at when she looks out of the kitchen window, whilst she washes the dishes, after your whole family’s finished the Christmas Dinner she cooked.

Get your little sister into the “Make America Great Again Spirit” with a set of Trump-Pence “Spirit Poms”

Now she can dream of all the side-lining she has to look forward to in the world, as she cheers on big-shouldered men crossing the finishing line.

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Give yourself a Christmas Present this year, it’s been tough and you deserve a treat. Make a donation to the Official website of Donald J. Trump.

This is also a great one for those colleagues you share a lot of your shifts with but never really talk to, who you got for Secret Santa.  You could get a gift-card, but they are so Obama – on their way out. Give the thoughtful gift of a donation in their name. And don’t skimp out, give at least $150 if you’re serious.

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These are all available on the Official Site of Donald J. Trump. Merry fucking Christmas.

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