What you’ll be like after you graduate from Glasgow

Everyone loves a good ol’ stereotype, but have YouGov taken it a bit too far by predicting what we’ll be like when we graduate from Glasgow?

They’ve put together sample data to create an interactive profile of what is “particularly true” amongst Glasgow Uni students and graduates when compared to other universities across the UK.

Taken from a relatively small sample, obviously the results aren’t totally representative of every Glasgow Uni student but if you dare to look into your future as a “matter-of-fact”, “well-educated” “geek” who is “arrogant” and “intolerant”, then keep reading.

Professions and politics

There’s no prize for guessing that, out of the sample data, Glasgow Uni graduates will be left-wing when it comes to politics but what may come as some surprise is that the most common job for graduates, according to YouGov, was in the home and garden industry.

That’s right, whether you’re tackling a degree in Medicine or Engineering, English Literature or Politics, you’re most likely to end up as a landscape gardener or interior designer. If this falls through, the YouGov data suggests that manufacturing, civil service and engineering are your other most likely career prospects.

From this to gardening

Once we no longer have SAAS or SFE to rely on to cover our nights out and social events, we will on average, have £500 to £599 to spare each month – which is much better than most of us have now -bring on graduation and my job as a gardener!

Politically, other than being firmly left-wing, Glasgow Uni graduates reckon that the USA is the “greatest threat to world peace” and that we generally “don’t care what our carbon footprint is”, despite also claiming that we “wouldn’t mind having wind turbines in our area”. The data also says that we presume ourselves to be “well-educated” and “geeky”, yet accuses us of being “intolerant” and “arrogant”.

Lifestyle, brands and interests

The most popular foods amongst us are lorne sausage, haggis and tattie scones – who would’ve guessed that? Although we also have a soft spot for gooseberry tart and lebkuchen (which is apparently a sort of German gingerbread that I have never seen nor consumed in any part of the country, especially not in Glasgow). With a mixture of Scottish staples and European dishes, it is obvious that we will have a fantastically well-developed culinary palate.

Forget burgers – you like haggis now

Our favourite hobbies will be writing, playing video games and bird-watching. I often struggle to get to my flat amongst the flocks of students that are bird-watching along Byres Road and around our accommodations.

Our sports of preference will be football and snooker, whilst our general interests will be politics, nature and drama. In terms of niche interests, YouGov lists Glasgow (really?), the British Monarchy (REALLY?) and the NHS as our favourites. Once we leave Glasgow, we are also three times more likely to choose a dog as a pet than a cat.

Clothes

Love that latest Urban Outfitters shirt you picked up? Or that fresh new set of Calvin Klein underwear? Well, this luxury isn’t going to last for long as apparently the most popular clothing brand amongst Glasgow Uni graduates is M&S. It’s safe to say you won’t see many people wearing an M&S polo shirt in Viper or a floral cardigan in HIVE on a Thursday night so this might come as a surprise. Our favourite supermarket is Morrisons and our favourite thing to pick up in Morrisons is Lurpak butter (?). Additionally, we will all be driving Hyundais once we graduate so forget that dream of driving a Ferrari down Maryhill Road.

Forget your trendy sports gear and get shopping at M&S

Entertainment and social media

Our favourite films when we leave Uni are likely to be Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Aviator and Airplane, whilst we’ll be tuning into our TVs to watch Wolf Hall, Question Time and The Supervet (our lives are apparently going to be super sad after we graduate).

Our music tastes however will save us from slipping into the lamest social circles as we’ll be blasting Queen, Johnny Cash and Paolo Nutini out of our Hyundai (what is our obsession with Hyundai?) speakers.

We will be watching TV for 6-10 hours a week whilst spending over 50 hours a week online and we’ll be reading The Herald and New Scientist in our spare time.

The Facebook pages we’ll all be liking are the University of Glasgow, Frankie Boyle and Lady Gaga – presumably because the latter two will be nominations for rector in 2020. Our most common Twitter follows indicate that we will actually be relatively smart after we leave university, with New Scientist magazine, Physician Ben Goldacre and comedian Marcus Brigstocke as our Tweeters of choice. Meanwhile, it appears that the four years of study will be stressful enough that our most visited websites after we finish will be Ryanair and British Airways. Either that or we’ll have had enough of Glasgow or be scared off after Brexit.

Reading up on all dat science

Finally, our most downloaded mobile apps will be Instagram, Trip Advisor and Angry Birds: Rio (as if the first two incarnations of the game were far too easy for our complex, New Scientist-reading minds).

So, when we’re getting ready to jet off on a nice holiday that we’ve earned after months of gardening, listening to Queen and learning all about science on Twitter, we can take a break, eat some square sausage and try and crack that latest level of Angry Birds: Rio. The future is bright.