It may be boring, but it’s time we gave Inverness the credit it deserves

What like?

@cs @hometown

It’s not just the Dream Rings that make this place a fantasy.

Looking at Scottish cities, we view them as pillars of Scottish culture and responsible for preserving the true values of this proud nation. None capture this quite like Inverness, the heart of the Highlands.

As the most Northern city in Scotland, it takes a lot of stick. People say we are a home to a backward society of sheep-shaggers, “rubber bumpers” and the mashroom pie, but we are so much more than that.

We’re all really happy

Inverness was officially voted the happiest place to live in Scotland in 2015, beating Edinburgh, Glasgow, Dundee and Aberdeen to the top spot. Wherever you stay, Scorguie, Dalneigh, Crown, Hilton (arguably), Culloden, Merkinch (okay, definitely not), you are bound to have a spark of happiness in your day.

We’re historically badass

Inverness is perfect because it encapsulates city life with a rich and seasoned history. Who else can drive a couple of miles west of a city centre and reach one the most tranquil places in Scotland? Loch Ness entrances all those who see it.

Camping on Dores Beach

Who hasn’t been on a camping trip to Dores Beach and accidentally kissed their best pal’s brother/sister and spewed on the rocks? Oh, the culture.

Loch Ness

Buying fake cigarettes from Nancy’s Joke shop

In the majority of British cities, recreational activities are abundant and Inverness is no different. 13 years old, running wild and free – nothing completed your Saturday like a trip to Nancy’s joke shop in the Victorian Market to buy a fake cigarette because smoking was so cool in 2006.

Ness Islands and Whin Park

If town wasn’t buzzing, you could run down to the Ness Islands and Whin Park. When you were finished lazing on top of a huge tree trunk that slightly resembles Nessie, you’d run to the park. Nothing beat a Fab from the ice-cream shop to keep you cool in a row boat. Or if you fancied yourself as an adventurer, you would head on the train designed for small children which you clearly could not fit on but attempted to anyway for a tour of the surrounding wooded area. However as you grow older, the Islands and Whin Park becomes famous for being the place where Jack got caught slipping Rachael some digits. Hungry? Grab a Dream Ring from Harry Gows and watch your life being transformed with every bite (disclaimer: waistline may be affected).

Ness Islands

 

Belladrum is always just around the corner…

The Belladrum Tartan Heart festival is always there to save the summer. Whether you’re getting aff yer tits in the Mother’s Ruins (specifically aged 13-15) or smoking suspicious substances in the Walled Garden, you’re bound to become best pals with someone you’ve only just met. Sneaking your under-age self a few drams was potentially the easiest thing to do as it was normally the “responsible adults” who were providing it. That is the Highland definition of a family friendly festival. If you get those summer time blues, you only have to head to the green fields of Kiltarlity and let your freak flag FLY. We’ll meet at the Face at midnight.

“Here we…here we…”

The nightlife is shit but our pub scene is great

The nightlife of Inverness is honestly limited. Our clubs are terrible and we went through a disgusting phase of a curfew. However, there is something so endearing about “the sesh” that it keeps me coming back for more every time I go home.  The King’s Highway acts as a social hub, where you see everyone you have ever received an education with, received an education from, kissed, left at the altar, shagged drunk, shagged sober, wish you’d shagged, hated, loved and everyone in between.

Nobody is financially stable enough for a full night in Hoots but we still do

Moving on to Hootananny’s seems like a great idea until you’ve taken out a second mortgage on your mum’s house to pay for a double gin. The music and atmosphere is unmatched and if you can catch a ceilidh band, you’re in for a belter of a night. But is it really worth that extra trip to the Co-Op cash machines because you wanted to order a Hendricks? No.

From Foxes to G’s

Johnny Foxes redeems the night as it provides live music, karaoke and weird middle aged men – what more could you want? Those who can handle it will take the stumble up Castle Street to G’s or (if desperate) Vinyl.

Max’s and mashroom pie

Scran is easy – Max’s 2. Home of the mashroom pie (an unidentified object, potentially a mushroom pie written in an Invernesian accent) and a safe haven of no judgement, Max’s allows an overview of the success of the night before a last attempt to pull whoever has the most teeth in the building and if you’re lucky, you might spot Davie Gnome.

After waiting for 45 minutes in the taxi queue at the Town House, you find out the person you wanted to go home with lives in South Kessock so you catch one without them.

Spoons – Hoots – Foxes – Max’s 2 – This