Everything they didn’t tell you before you came to Exeter but probably should have

Acapella is a big thing here…?

Brace yourself for a thrilling journey. Here are all the things you should have been told before you signed your life away to the University of Exeter.

There are only three clubs and they’re all tragic

You’re not in Zante anymore Dorothy, clubbing starts at 10:30pm and you leave by 1am for cheesy chips. End of.

Acapella is a big thing here…?

I mean they couldn’t have warned us about the rise of some lyrical lads having their 15 minutes of fame, but my God, if they could have stopped it…

Everyone actually is from Surrey

And everyone actually owns a siggy.

I don’t know who “The Young Ones” are

But they sure are popular.

‘The Sesh’ is a real part of daily Exeter vocabulary

It crept in slowly with an ironic “cant say no to the sesh” here and a “sesh is life” there. Then it stopped being a super edgy, sarcastic thing and now you’re just like everyone else in Exe: a slave to the sesh.

Timepiece will take all your money

And your coats. No seriously TP give me my coat back. Like right now.

You will inevitably embarrass yourself by getting with a rugby boy/netball girl

And it will be on top top. Even worse, a member of the Hockey 6’s.

The Unit 1 vs Arena debate gets heated very quickly

You’ll never understand the passion that goes into it if you’re a first year.

VKs are a HUGE thing

You’ll never quite understand why, but you’ll drink them anyway.

The Lemmy is a sticky, yellow hell trap

You will get trampled in freshers. You will also be a sheep and go weekly.

Gym bunnies… gym bunnies everywhere

If you don’t wear sport leggings everywhere, just do yourself a favour and get out.

Will will be part of a sports team at some point

Oh you don’t bring your hockey/lacrosse stick to lectures? That’s cute.

… or a society or ten

You’ll join countless societies and only go to one. *Additional note: you’ll go to the one you don’t even like because you fancy someone on the committee.

You are briefly swept up into the fitness mindset

But then freshers flu set in and ruined everything. You go to the gym once a month for the rest of term due to an endless cycle of guilt and drunken eating.

Going out in lingerie is apparently a thing

Northerners, you may feel most at home at the Safer Sex Ball but Southerners will probably still wear coats.

If you’re from the North don’t expect much

You’re going to end up having the same conversation over and over again “I’m from Newcastle”, “ehh..is that near Watford?”

Everyone drives a mini

Literally, everyone.

You didn’t expect to be drinking prosecco out of mugs as much as you do

But hey, accepting you’re ridiculously middle class is for your 30s.

The HUGE HILLS

Exeter is an ancient city with a vibrant, modern feel. Pre-dating the arrival of the Romans in 50AD , the city’s history is rich and long. This is reflected in its FUCKING HUGE HILLS. Brace yourself, student hall dwellers, because my God were you unprepared for these bloody endless hills. Cardiac, forum, little hills, gradual hills, rolling hills. They never end.

The rules of halls:

Not in Holland = you hate Holland.

Lafrowda = crazy.

Rowe = boring.

Penny C = road gentlemen.

Duryard = you may as well not be at exeter.

Point Exe = irrelevant (sorry).

To top these wonders off you won’t have gotten your first choice accommodation…or second…or third…or fourth. You’re sitting in your single bed room, sadly thinking of the swell times you could be having in Lafrowda. But no, you’re hours away in Point Exe ensuite-less and listening to train whistles.

The Impy

Our spoons is the COOLEST SPOONS EVER, SERIOUSLY.

You will have a fleeting romance with Deliveroo

Deliveroo becomes an essential part of your existence… for about a week, until the loan runs out and the thrill is gone.

You then sadly turn to the oil bathed kebabs after Unit 1, reminiscing about the possibility of being able to get delivery to your door after 11:30.

The campus ‘connivence’ stores will rob you blind

You’ll still use them everyday and hate yourself and everyone else for it.

Personal tutors won’t be your ‘uni parent’

They hate you and will never reply to your emails.

You wont have lectures in any of UoE’s historic buildings

*Swoons for Reed Hall*. Sorry psych students, Washington Singer labs is for the actual Psychologists/PhDs/Biologists. You were lied to.

You’ll never get a seat in the library on a Monday

Come to terms with it. Get over it and pick another day to be productive.

You will rarely meet any drama students

Don’t even bother coming. Your site is so far away, you’re practically in Plymouth.

You will end up in fancy dress at least three times a month

Walking around in Lederhosen, 1-1-8 running gear or face paint becomes a regular and an entirely respectable part of your life.

Balls, balls everywhere

The society kind.

The one advantage of all the hills?

A ski slope is apparently the answer. No one saw Chill Hill coming – apart from the organisers, they definitely saw it coming.

Despite the unexpected quirks, you’re now happily living your superbly middle class uni experience in one of the best Universities in the world.

Hills and all, you wouldn’t swap it for a lifetime supply of VKs.

#BleedGreen

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