An open letter to boys who send dick pics

If she didn’t ask for it, DON’T send it


Hey you. Yeah, you, about to snap a pic of your junk to send to that girl you’ve been messaging on WhatsApp. Before you do that, I have a few questions:

1) Did she ask to see your genitals?

2) Did you ask her if she wanted to see your genitals? If so, did she say yes?

If the answer to either of those questions is “no”, I’d think about it for a second before you hit the “send” button.  If she doesn’t give any indication a dick pic would be welcome, don’t send one.

Imagine if digital cameras had never been invented. Would sending a dick pic seem like such a good idea if you had to get it developed and hand it to women in person? Didn’t think so.

Receiving an unsolicited dick pic is the online equivalent of someone flashing you on the bus: it’s visual assault. No girl wants to see a picture of your trouser snake pop up on in their DMs when you’ve never so much as been on a date. If I wanted to see a disembodied penis, it’s only a matter of typing “dick” into Google and turning off ChildSafe.

I know, I know – there’s a double standard at play here. I’m sure you’d love it if a girl sent you a spontaneous titty pic, so why wouldn’t she want to see what you have to offer? How do I put this gently… dicks aren’t pretty. A veiny, fleshy mass and maybe a hairy ballsack really isn’t the best way to impress a girl. I’d recommend French champagne. Maybe a mixtape.

But here’s the real question: why are you sending women you’ve never met unwanted photos of your penis? Maybe you’re drunk. Maybe you think if you send her a nude, she’ll send one back. Maybe you’re mad at your ex and you want to remind her there’s no way her new boyfriend’s penis could possibly measure up to your penis. Maybe your ego’s hungry; starving, even, and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to feed it. My penis is a gift, you think; this girl should be honoured that I’d send her a photo of it.

Maybe it’s three in the morning and it’s been weeks since a woman so much as rubbed her derriere against the outline of your jeans, and you’re lonely, you’re so lonely, and the girl you’ve been talking to on Tinder just gave you her number and you wanna make it really, abundantly, blindingly clear that you will not be friendzoned. Not again. NOT THIS TIME. Also you’re drunk.

This girl, like me and many others, is disgusted

Maybe you have met them. Maybe you’ve banged. But unless you’ve had a conversation about exchanging sexy photos, I still refer you to question 1). Just because you banged a few times does not mean you have her consent for future sexual experiences or that she wants to receive poorly lit photos of your manhood.

What if she did specifically ask for a picture of your penis? In this case, I’d still advise you to use your head (as in the one on your shoulders) before you whip out the camera. Is there any possibility whatsoever this dick pic could end up in the wrong hands? Have you ever done anything that might have pissed this girl off? That wasn’t her best mate you got with in Pryzm the other night, was it? Do you ever plan on running for a Parliamentary position? Is there any chance that, one day, that dick pic might be used to publicly embarrass you?

If the answer to those questions is “no”, or you simply don’t care where your dick ends up, go right ahead. But be warned: girls can share dick pics on the internet as well. Just not their own.

To anybody who’s ever got more than they bargained for when chatting with a gentleman, here are some ways you can respond:

  • Block the sender and carry on with your day. Maybe look at some cute puppy .gifs to erase the offending image from your brain
  • Report them and save other women from having to suffer the same torment
  • Sass ‘em: “Is that a thumb?”, or “Why would you send me a picture of a stillborn rat foetus?”
  • Send an emoji: crying-with-laughter, thumbs down, shrimp – there’s a lot of wiggle room here
  • Find the cock culprit on Facebook and drop his mum a message, just to let her know what her son’s been up to. If he has a girlfriend, even better!

And my personal favourite:

  • Send a dick back. A bigger dick. A better dick. A more photogenic dick. A dick that’s going places.