Girls, you’ve got less than 48 hours to get ready for the SSB

Get VCSOcam ready


Now is the time to panic. Its almost the end of Week 10, and you’re yet to make use of your expensive gym membership.

You’ve spent half your student loan on VKs, and the other half on Domino’s, that XL portion of cheesy chips tastes so good until you remember you have only a matter of hours before you’ll be spending a night not wearing any clothes.

It’s much too late to start exercising and eating clean – if only there was a way to instantly look better, requiring very little time and/or effort…

Fake tan like a member of Geordie Shore series one

Its true what they say. If you can’t tone it, tan it. This is exactly the approach you should be taking at this stage. Everyone looks better with a tan, even if it comes from a bottle.

So grab your tanning mitt and lather it on. Tonight there is no such thing as too orange.

Just be careful that you let each layer dry so you don’t go patchy and end up looking like you have a skin condition – that’s not hot.

You’ve been tangoed

Go heavy on the glitter

Smother yourself in it. Less is more maybe the approach to your outfit, but when it comes to glitter, don’t be afraid to pile it on. The hotspots are your eyes, the side of your face and your chest.

Glitter done correctly

Maybe don’t do this

Get your arts and crafts kit out

Be creative in how you obscure your modesty. Get out the glue gun, ribbon, sequins, feathers and make something. Justify the expense and the amount of time it takes as a method of procrastination from your important deadlines.

Sequins make everything better

Sling on some body paint/fake tattoos/jewellery

As with glitter, cover as much of yourself as you need to feel at ease with some “clothing substitutes” – be it body paint, stencils, temporary tattoos or jewellery.

Get some body chains to distract from your food baby.

A very impressive (and coordinated) effort

Create an illusion of nakedness

Squad goalz

Of course, theres loads of options of what to wear – you don’t have to walk around in your knickers if you don’t want to. The circus look can easily be achieved with some lace, leather, animal print. Thrown on a silky dressing gown or a pair of tights if you can’t face being excessively naked in a rom full of strangers. If you feel good in it, wear it.

If all else fails, crop and filter

Diversion tactics

The nuclear option. All those VK induced late night Domino’s and Mega Kebabs have caught up with you. But you’ve spent £40 on a ticket and its too late to turn back now.

Have a drink for dutch courage (and body warmth), work out your angles for photos and filter the shit out of them for Instagram.