‘Sell New College to fund free VKs for all’ – the election promise of a EUSA Presidential candidate

He’s serious about winning

Christian Moorman, a third year Philosophy student, is promising to sell New College in order to fund free VKs for all at the Big Cheese if he wins this week’s EUSA Presidential elections.

In his election manifesto he says: “My second pledge is one which you have probably heard mentioned jokingly each election season—free VK’s at Potterrow on Saturdays. Upon entering office, I will immediately arrange for the sale of New College to an undisclosed buyer. It’s going to be the biggest and best trade deal in the history of trade deals, possibly ever. My economic advisors expect this transaction to bring in ~£20 million—according to our calculations, this will be enough money to easily finance 1,000 Potterrow Saturdays at 20 VK’s a head, setting up our successors for success and high student satisfaction rates.”

In another bold move he hopes to ‘move Kings’ Buildings close to Central.’ He said: “The rest of the money from this transaction will be used to move Kings’ Buildings closer to Central, to promote unity on campus and to allow science students greater freedom of choice as to where they live.”

When asked what he’d say to people who consider him to be a joke candidate, he told the Tab: “The powers that be will try to suppress the masses by any means possible – the fact that some are calling me a ‘joke candidate’ is indicative of our campaign’s success, the bullets of my adversaries are proving to have no effect, and so they’ve resorted to flinging mud.”

You can vote for Christian here.

 

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