What to expect from a night at Rascals

Coming to uni is all about asking the big questions in life and making decisions that shape our futures. Thursday nights are a strange phenomena – it’s not quite the weekend, yet it’s not quite midweek. On this day, we pose a question that any normal human-being would in a fine academic institution, laid on the foundation of knowledge and learning.

“Will I hit the sesh tonight?” or more specifically, “who’s going Rascals?”

There’s two type of Thursday-nighters: those who dress up casually and go out with a group of friends to The Three Sisters or The Peartree for a few cold ones; or those who get their glad rags on, host a massive pres and get ready for Bourbon’s finest.

The boys

Engaging in those mildly promiscuous school-boy antics, the lads, the boyos, the cock-jockeys, can be found fist pumping aggressively to Jay-Z songs on the main dance floor. Their music taste being as safe as their crew-cut chop and skinny jean- bomber combo, this R&B room is just the ticket for them. They came to party – but most of all to pull.

Unfortunately, the banter with the lads was just way too essential, so they made a circle in the dance floor and danced amongst each other all night, enjoying the occasional beat drop. This is the kind of environment where one can enjoy the UK Top 40 a little bit too much, and be completely okay with it. So go ahead and Bruno Mars the shit out of it, 24K style.

A raging dab-aholic feeding his habit

Stairs

RIP heels, RIP dignity. I need a Jägerbomb.

The bathrooms

Stumbling into the bathroom for a drunken wee you can be sure to catch a glimpse of a very high-definition you in the mirrors lined with Hollywood lights. You’ll say “shit, do I always look like that?” There’s also SO much room for activities such as puking up your ring, crying because your crush got with someone or taking multiple selfies with the lady selling tampons.

The rave kings of the techno room

The most unique and understated group of them all. These absolute fucking legends love techno and don’t give a shit what you think about it. This mysteriously groovy side room in Bourbon is Edinburgh’s dirtiest little secret. It is full of angsty millennials and the type of people who wear all black and look chronically melancholy. They put fist pumpers and slut droppers of the R&B room to absolute shame. Enter into these unchartered territories and prepare for an out of body experience and the best boogie of your life.

The fiends of the Rascal sesh

They have all the merch – all of it. She’s wearing the black and yellow Rascals t-shirt as a skirt, top and even has the bloody snapback, and there’s photos to prove it. The next morning she will roll out of bed sporting her Rascals gear to breakfast and the world will know.

The gallllls!!!!

These girls go out waving their singleite status like martyrs flags, their chastity is a belt of pride which no man will take from them. They are so ready for a gals night and just getting totally hammered and dancing all night. They are the girls who wear whiskers and little cat ears at halloween and call you ‘baaaaabe’ even though you’re pretty sure you have never met. But the girls who attend this sesh-haven get sucked into the romance of it all – the boys and their acceptable odours. Plus, the bonus of him buying you drinks all night is a given. No female with legs revealed leaves Rascals alone.

Heinously cheap drinks

A glowing beacon for those of us who are broke and have zero self control. Drown your sorrows for just £1 a drink.

The ones always in the photos

You must have touched up your makeup, asked the photographer what contrast and shutter size he was using and then subsequently edited everyone else out of those seventeen photos. You have just had a modelling photoshoot in a nightclub.

OMG candid

Lots of good-looking people

Whether it’s beer-goggles or established fact, the genetically privileged love Rascals. You’re pretty sure they all skipped the queue and just strolled in.

Have you seen my friend …..?

Honestly this room is the size of an ensuite, don’t get your knickers in a twist.

The VIP disciples

These guys know what’s up. They have been devote members of the Rascals elite since they emerged from the womb. They have been to Rascals so much its not even considered a night out to them anymore. It’s a night out where they go out to observe other people having nights out. They look at you in pity, “look at the fucking state of you, I remember my first night out in Rascals three months ago… you have so much to learn”, *sips Grey Goose from slightly elevated couch.*

Photos from inside Rascals or scenes from Riot Club?

Social media 

Whoever runs the Rascals Facebook page has earned the Banter seal of approval. And yes – they did the mannequin challenge.

Gold.

Same tbh

Photo credits: Rascals